From Square 1
by Mistlan
Summary: What if Naruto got the Jouniin test by mistake and passed? I don't own Naruto or it's affiliates. Stay tuned for a cute gecko and a childish Jounin while the Naruto storyline gets flipped upon its ear. Rated T for safety and some slapstick comedy
1. Chapter 1

**From Square One **

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Summary: **What if Naruto was accidentally given the Jounin exam and passed at the age of twelve?

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Author's Note: **This starts at stage 1 of the Chunin exams. I got the idea from an old war story I heard. I love writing gags and this story is more along the lines of humor than anything else.

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Chapter 1: A Stupid Test**

Naruto sat at his desk clutching his head in absolute fear. His knees knocking together of their own accord. He looked scared and who could blame him. The written test for the chuniin exam was going to be rougher and rougher. The proctor handed out the papers. Naruto could've swore the guy was chuckling maniacally under his breath. He squinted his eyes shut when the doom paper hit his desk. He squeezed open one then barely the other. The first question threw him for a boggle eyed loop.

Number one . . . What are the seals for a Shadow Clone Jutsu?

'Huh?' Naruto's brain went into shutdown mode as he glanced Question two.

Number two . . . What is the history of Ramen?

Naruto's mouth broke into a evil grin. His maniacal chuckles attracted the attention of every shinobi in the room. At least, every shinobi that wanted to kill him that is.

"MWA-HA-HA-HA-HAHHH! This test is so EASY! Believe it! I'm going to pass this test so bad I'm going to kick butt! Dattebayo!" Naruto suddenly announced. The procter shushed.

"Cannit Twerp!" Ibiki snarled, though inwardly he was loving scaring these rookies to death. "People are trying to take a test."

"Awww cannit yourself," Naruto snapped back, "I'm going to be Hokage one day! Believe it! And your stupid test is no match for the great- ACK MY PENCIL!"

'Will Naruto ever quit being stupid,' Sakura asked herself mentally while her inner self was rambling again.

'What's got into him?' thought Sasuke leaning over his desk. The two finished long before he did. The genin who didn't know the orange clad knucklehead well enough suddenly got a great bout of confidence from Naruto's seemingly empty speech. Meanwhile Naruto was in a panic. His pencil slipped all the under Ibiki's unwary foot.

'What do I do?' Naruto panicked yet again, 'WHAT DO I DO?'

"Um . . . Naruto," a small voice chirped. Naruto wildly whipped his head around to see Hinata sitting next to him.

"I have some . . . Extra writing stuff," Hinata hissed, poking her finger tips together shyly, "But . . . They're my little sister's. If you don't want them."

Naruto grabbed Hinata's hands in his own. His eyes prickled with happy tears. He thanked her over and over telling her he'd be more grateful to her than all the Ramen in the world. He called her an angel. Yet Hinata almost blew it. Her mind was so focused on Naruto holding her hands that she didn't notice Shino's insects making warning signs on the ceiling. Two of the Sand Siblings were waiting on the puppet master Kankuro. Well, one was, and the other hand a sandy eye flick over Naruto's test and the other tests. Gaara almost snorted.

'Idiot,' He mused, 'He has the wrong test. It's grade level Academy work, baby stuff, and worthless to me.'

'Hmm, his pencil marks sound so motivating,' A strange sound ninja cackled to himself, 'Maybe if I copy his test I'll pass too.'

"Way to go . . . Naruto," Hinata softly whispered.

"Gee thanks," Naruto stupidly answered. His test sheet looked neatly filled out except for the fact that since he dropped his pencil at the beginning of the test, he had filled it out with gaily colored crayons.

The Third Hokage sat back in his chair smoking his pipe when Ebisu burst into the room. Sarutobi became startled and nearly dropped his pipe. Ebisu pushed up his glasses. Iruka looked up from his papers at Ebisu's wild movements and flabbergasted babbling. Sarutobi sighed, but for some reason he couldn't quit guess why Ebisu could be so impressed and appauled at the same time.

"Someone just passed the Jounin exam on the first try!" Ebisu finally blabbed, "And he's barely a little boy isn't that amazing?"

Sarutobi's jaw dropped. His pipe clattered to the floor. The paper of glitter Crayon scribbles was in the most familiar handwring he remembered. After all, he'd seen it on the Hokage Monument. As well as any other place that got pranked by this particular ninja.

"Ebisu you are correct that is a little boy's handwriting," Sarutobi stated, "That's Naruto Uzumaki's. I'm afraid you've just found yourself a new Jounin this year.

Ebisu was shocked. Iruka's pursed lips gave his face the perfect impression of a petrified toad. He heard of students growing up fast but this was ridiculous. Meanwhile halfway across the village a procter for the Jounin entrance exam was laughing to his buddies about some guy who filled his test out in crayon. Yet when Ibiki remembered who the crayon scribbler was. Many of his friends in the interrogation department asked if he swallowed a lemon.

Konohamaru snuck into the Hokage's office, took one look at the paper and leaped with joy.

"Woohoo! Boss made Jounin!" Konohamaru cheered.

"That's not funny," Ebisu muttered.

"Of course it's not it's awesome!" Konohamru gloated, "Maybe he'll be able to teach you something huh Ebisu-sensei?"

Ebisu buttoned his lips. He stood straight up. He politely walked out the door.

"I refuse to call a twelve year old child a colleague," Ebisu spat once out of earshot, "Teaching Honorable Grandson good work ethic is one thing but calling him Naruto-sensei? HA! No way, No more, No how!"

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Next up; What is Naruto going to do? How will his new colleagues look at him? Why is everyon stunned? Stay tuned to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

**From Square One **

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**Summary: **What if Naruto was accidentally given the Jounin exam and passed at the age of twelve?

**Author's Note: **This starts at stage 1 of the Chunin exams. The public has spoken. Some like chapter 1. Some said the test was too easy, and they're right. I'm going to make this story with my usual dose of crazy.

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**Chapter 2: Images that Burn**

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"Numbers 83 and 84, you failed!" Ibiki barked, the sound ninjas made their protests at being disqualified but Ibiki cut them off, "Answer to number 13 is not Mount Rushmore and Number 1 is not Ram-ram-ram-ram or I heart Ramen. You're dismissed."

The miffed test takers stormed out. Kabuto shrunk down as far as his desk would let him until his nose was level with the tabletop. He was here to gather information for the Great Orochimaru. He wasn't here to pick a fight. Even though he kept wondering if this Naruto Uzumaki was either a greater genius than the Uchiha or an absolute idiot. Sakura was humming happily knowing she passed. Sasuke tensed up so much that his stubby nails were making claw marks in the desk. Shikamaru buried his head his arms. All this tension was boring, the lazy ninja wanted a nap.

"Naruto Uzumaki you're wanted into the Jounin office immediately," Ibiki announced. Naruto felt his heart drop out the pit of his stomach.

"Uh-oh someone must've done something bad," Ino tattled.

"Shut up Ino-pig," Sakura shouted, "Don't worry Naruto it's nothing, eh-ha-ha." but her inner-Sakura screamed, _"YEAH RIGHT! WE'RE DOOOOOOMED!"_

Sasuke still sat there just as tense. He clung to his desk for dear life as if it was about to run away from him. Neji smirked in delight. Lee and Ten-ten were perplexed at Naruto's forced grin. Hinata though, patted Naruto comfortably on the shoulder. She figured since she didn't faint from Naruto holding her hands which she would've died with joy at that moment. It didn't hurt her to become a teensy more confident.

"What a drag," Shikamaru droned, "Stinks to be you right now huh?"

"You want the last potato chip," Chouji offered by way of comfort, to him the last potato chip was as valuable as the holy grail, scratch that, the last chip was priceless. Naruto waved his No-Thank-Yous. His legs felt like jelly and his stomach seemed to cave in on itself as he headed for the door.

"Naruto Uzumaki," Kakashi toned in his scariest voice, Naruto never heard that voice since the Genin exams but Kakashi then cheered, "Congratulations!"

"Huh?" Naruto shouted, he was really confused, he knew he failed the test. Even though the test was about the Entire History of Ramen, the only subject Naruto knew besides the Ninja Academy level lessons he bombed.

_'Oh shoot!_' Naruto mentally panicked, his mouth muscles twitched from the ache, he couldn't force his goofy farce anymore,_ 'I'm so doomed. I'll get kicked out of the ninja program and forced into some dead end job chasing Tora the cat! I hate that lousy stinkin' cat!'_

"Congratulations, you just qualified for the Jounin test." Kakashi drawled as if he weren't making the biggest announcement of his young student's life.

"I'm what?" Naruto squeaked, he'd been hoping all his life for another step closer to being Hokage but now that the chance had come, Naruto suddenly felt like he wanted to run to his closet and hide. He hadn't felt that since he was a little kid who watched all the other adults treat him like he didn't exist.

"Maaaah, it's alright Naruto-kun," Kakashi answered, "You know I was just around your age when I first became a Jounin."

"Wait . . . You were?" Naruto gasped to which Kakashi smiled to the point that his dimples could be seen through the mask.

"Oh yes believe it or not I became a Jounin . . . Eh . . . When I was your age." Kakashi answered, the spell bound childlike look on Naruto's face was a blue eyed whammy. He never thought about the usual age for the Chuunin exams. He was basically 6 when he first became Chuunin. Iruka called that too young. Yes the dear academy teacher would probably die if he knew what Naruto got himself into again and this time no teammates to rescue him. He hated to watch such innocence get squashed but hey, that's the Shinobi Way.

"Wait a minute you were a kid?" Naruto gawked, "I thought you were born a book addict!"

Kakashi's lone eye blinked. He checked his Icha Icha book on more parenting advice against zingers. Sadly Erotica never features children. So once again Kakashi was at a loss on things not related to Ninja.

"Kaka-senseiiii," Naruto began to whine but Kakashi roughly ruffled his hair for what may be the last and final time.

"No Naruto, you are no longer my student," Kakashi scolded, "You are one step away from becoming my equal . . . Naruto. That means rules, paperwork, and the world of adults."

"Kaka-sensei I don't care!" Naruto quipped, not knowing how much his words were going to have an impact on himself more than anyone else, "I don't care about the complicated crud. I was an adult ever since I could remember. I never had the love of a childhood family. I had you, I had team 7. I'm a ninja now. The ninjas _are_ my family."

Kakashi's face slackened in surprise before it went back to its same relaxed state. He knew there was a reason he liked Naruto. Other than any other obivious facts in his head. He ruffled Naruto's hair a second time. Now he knew how his father felt when he didn't want his only Hatake son growing up so fast.

"Well, still, you're always reading such boring stuff!" Naruto loudly piped up, thinking Kakashi was still going on about the book addict thing, "I mean what are you reading? Porn? You always giggle like a girl when you read it. What do the pictures look like huh? C'mon tell me!"

Kakashi nearly fell to the floor. He suddenly took Naruto by the shoulders and snuck him into a janitor's closet like a little kid holding his brother's scary magazine. He turned on the only light overhead and went to explain in hushed tones and shushed whispers. Naruto looked spellbindingly innocent to the scarring he just set himself up for.

"What intel I tell you never leaves this room." Kakashi lectured but his voice held a steely edge as he held up the book for Naruto to see, "This is Come Come Paradise."

Meanwhile back in the classroom. Ibiki had a whole lot of humble pie to swallow.

"Ahem, due to a mistake in paperwork," Ibiki muttered, he wasn't speaking loud enough, Anko elbowed hard in the gut to get him talking, "GAH, like I was trying to say _Dang it_. Naruto is participating in the Jounin exam now and since it takes three people to pass the chuniin exam. Due to special circumstances. Naruto is going to be temporarily replaced in the genin team by someone else."

"SAY WHAT?" the Genin all gasped.

"That's impossible," Neji sputtered, "That's against fate. He's a destined dead last!"

"He might just become your superior now Neji," Tenten scolded her teammate, "Get over yourself."

Rock Lee cried such manly cheesy tears. He enthusiastically pirouetted around the room declaring, "He is so youthful! In honor of Naruto's promotion. I shall perform the ballet of congratulations in your honor Sakura-san."

"Why are you telling me all this," Sakura whined at Lee more than anyone else, "I knew Naruto had lots of luck but this is ridiculous!"

"How!" Sasuke demanded angrily, "How the heck did he pass the written test!"

"He was given the wrong test and knew all the answers to it," Shino silently observed, "Isn't that how he passed . . . Uchiha-san?"

Sasuke was about to object but clamped his mouth shut. He had his own reasons.

"Dang that lucky idiot," said Kiba, "He's going up in places right Akamaru?"

"Yap," Akamaru barked laying comfortably on Kiba's head.

The Sand Sibs stood perplexed and flustered. Temari leaned on her elbow pretending to be amused when inside her thoughts were spinning out of control. Kankuro lost his control over his puppet making the extra "Procter" faint. Which sent scads of chuunin rushing in with a stretcher to escort the wooden dummy out. Kankuro never noticed his puppet going to sick bay; his brain shut down. Gaara for all intents and purposes folded his hands in front of his face while he thought up more people on his to-kill list.

_'Are Konoha ninjas really all that good?'_ Temari thought to herself, _'Are they really all that?'_

_'This is bad,'_ Kakuro's brain finally registered, _'Is that idiot act just an act to hide that he's an advanced form of ninja. Only a genius can act that dumb right?'_

_'All the flavors of Ichiraku Ramen,'_ Gaara hissed resisting the urge to bang his head against the table or squish a pathetic being; squishy sounded better. _'Who in their right mind remembers everything off a lousy restaurant menu.'_

"Way to go . . . Naruto." Hinata told herself.

Anko laughed her head off. It wasn't her idea to make the test subject, the History of Ramen(1). Ichiraku Ramen had been around ever since even before the Shodaime's wife sported wrinkles. Every Jounin was taught to look Underneath the Underneath. It was Ibiki's idea to make the written test over something stupid because he was tired of Jounins that never paid attention to the obvious. Now it was obvious Ibiki was never going to live down the mistake of passing the obvious Jounin exam over to a twelve year old child.

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Where the next proctor for the Jounin exam expected some overly mature grade schooler, (much like a young Kakashi or Itachi) the Jounin found himself staring face to face with a loud child. Only the child wasn't so loud. He kept looking at the cover of Kakashi's book, blushing, and shoving his fist into his mouth. The proctor was about to greet Kakashi like usual. The village was pretty big even by village standards so, the Proctor never even recognized the fabled "Kyuubi Child.(2)"

"Oh wait is that . . ." The proctor began to point out.

Then the little Genin screamed, "Holy cow the images . . . The images THEY BUURRRRRRNNN!"

"Kakashi, what did you do?" The Proctor asked sullenly, "He looks white as a sheet."

"What, can't a Jounin sensei share something harmless with his pupil?" Kakashi innocently asked.

"Oh yeah sure," The Proctor scoffed, "Whenever you share something it's anything but harmless."

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(1) That's where I got my idea. My Grandpa, when he was in the army, had been accidentally given the wrong test and when he came in, I'm guessing cadet, he passed and came out a captain. The test was also something really stupid at least by army or navy standards. It was also something my Grandpa knew very well. Hence the title. From Square 1.

(2) I got the idea after watching episode 190 featuring the character "The Eternal Genin." The two Jounin in that show didn't show the same familiarity as all the Chuniin in episode 1 of Naruto which actually mirrored a pretty true fact in any good sized town. That even in close knit communities, there are still those that haven't even worked with people close enough to actually learn it until they see it. Either that or people are more impressed by performance than by Reputation.

**Further Note: Yes the chapter is extremely short but hey the reviewers of chapter 1 gave me my first round of constructive criticism. What'd you like to see on the test? Will Naruto ever remained scarred from Kakashi's book and Why is Sasuke acting strange? Stay tuned to find out. **


	3. Chapter 3

**From Square One **

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**Summary:**What if Naruto was accidentally given the Jounin exam and passed at the age of twelve?

**Author's****Note:**It's high time I updated this story. One question boggled my mind. Okay actually quite a few. What happened to the genin that never as in day after never ever passed the chunin exam? What subjects would the Jounin Exam actually cover? Does it have to be Jounin Related? Is it harder or easier? A little suggestion from a certain reviewer gave me a good idea where to push the story.

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**Chapter 3: Operation Rookie Mess**

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**(Earlier Where the Proctor is At)**

"Okay all Jounin Candidates listen up," The proctor stated, "Good news everyone is here to take the exam."

"Hmm-mmm," Naruto agreed enthusiastically with a nod. The rest of the candidates rolled their eyes. This was the same speech every time.

"The Bad news is I don't know what the test is. First exam is to find out what to do at the exam. No teams. Ask a proctor who actually does know about the test, they have a file on them that needs to be returned to the Hokage And take care not to die." The proctor cheered.

"WHAAAT!" Naruto screeched. He voiced the opinion of every Jounin canidate there. Crows flew off in every direction.

". . . And Naruto I need to see you for a bit," The Proctor advised.

Several of the older candidates grumbled about Naruto. Eyes that showed scorn, contempt. It was the first day of school all over again. Naruto's bright blue eyes flickered across unfriendly faces. He put his hands into his pockets. His shoulders hunched of his own accord.

"What makes this brat so special?" voices whispered.

"He's just a boy. He'll never be any special."

"Prodigies . . . always getting people to hold their hands."

"IT'S NOT LIKE I ASKED FOR HELP!" Naruto yelled back. His voice hitched for the first time in his life. "B-because I'm going to be Hokage one day. Believe it! A-and someday all of YOU will be counting on ME!"

The Jounin candidates scowling over in Naruto's direction looked unimpressed, bored even. Naruto was fresh meat. The idealists were always fresh meat. To them he was just a team baby.

When they were alone the Proctor didn't give Naruto any advice.

"Naruto no one's volunteered to take your place in Team 7 for the chunin exam." The Proctor exclaimed "Now remember this is your last freebee for the day. ANBU live by following orders but Jounins have to figure out stuff like this for themselves. The Hokage is not always going to just assign everything. You understand correct?"

". . . Yes . . . Yessir . . ." Naruto mumbled. Being suddenly made responsible was a humbling experience for the twelve year old prankster.

'_I __think __I __know __of __someone,'_ Naruto thought to himself, '_I __just __hope __this __person __doesn't __look __at __me __like __everyone __else does __in __the __village._'

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The 22 year old Genin, Inaho(1), was understanding of her team leader Komugi and his reason to drop out of the exam. Not all genins made chunin, Inaho knew that. After a few certain years even their Jounin Sensei had to cut the apron strings. Since the tender age of thirteen she focused less and less on boys and girly frivolous things and focused more on her career. The girly clothes got opted out for loose pants and even looser shirts with the neck piece to ward against the elements. The sash around her torso was a simple thing made to hold sealed-in supplies without the bulky weight of a hiking pack. Her brown hair cropped short with a kunai. She was one of the better ninjas; not the flashy ones but the everyday ninjas who actually stood poised, calm, and contrite in the face of troubles. It was not Team Leader Komugi who kept apologizing fiercly to her and her squadmate Gennai.

It was the surprise visitor that made her lose her cool at the door.

"Hey Inaho! Inaho! HEEEEY!" The kid yelled, all color drained from Inaho's brown eyed face when she looked through the peep hole at the orange clad nightmare bashing frantically at the door. "HEY YOU! HEEEEY! HEEEY! OPEN UP!"

"Oh shoot Kyuubi," Inaho gasped, she was just about ready to put away her ninja gear for good when the monster just had to show up at her door. Of all places why did it have to be _her_door?

"I'm gonna scribble all over the window if you don't get out here." Naruto warned, "In three . . . two . . ."

"Alright! Alright!" Inaho grouched, "I'm out!"

She slammed open the door only to get caught at a sight of sexy curves and giggling pigtails amidst the smoke. Three vertical lines on each cheek. The naked woman hugged Inaho on purpose. The naked ladies bosom pressed flat against her back. Common knowledge, just about anyone, male or female will freak out at finding a naked person at the door.

"Gomen nasai," she squeaked and slammed the door in Sexy no Jutsu Babe's face. The time ticked by before a certain grimacing moment she remembered when asking Iruka why he had bundles of tissue to stop the bleeding from his nose.

She opened the door and yelled, "YOU! You're the kitsune sleeping with Iruka-sensei!"

"WHAT!" Naruto sqwaked, the jutsu dispelled in a poof revealing an irate little boy and his victim who was snarling through her nose, "I DON'T SLEEP WITH TEACHERS THAT'S DISGUSTING!"

"Than how come you even use such a perverted jutsu!" Inaho warned.

Naruto shot back, "To pull pranks on stupid men like you!"

THUNK

Inaho lightly thumped the greenhorn genin on the forehead. Sure this brat was Kyuubi and her mother told her plenty of stories about the mischievous fox fairy(2). The problem here is Inaho is an adult. Naruto was a kid. She knew if Iruka didn't see something special in the kid then she'd never be acting the way she did now.

"I'm a _girl_ you demon," Inaho quipped, "What kind of clue did you have that made you even think I was a guy?"

Naruto looked the woman over. Her boyish face didn't have the refinement of a cute girl nor the lovliness of a woman's. Least he could say her face was plain. Her baggy shirt made it hard to tell if she actually had any feminine curves and the cut of her pants . . . She was nothing like any women he knew. In fact she looked more butch than barbie.

"You don't look feminine at all!" Naruto bellowed enough for the neighbors to here, "Where's your curves. Even Sakura-chan has a bigger front than you! OW!"

Inaho lightly thumped the beast upon his noggin. Her face screwed up in perplexity. How could this orange eyesore actually qualify for the Jounin Exam? This had to have been a fluke. Naruto however kept chattering because he didn't have time to do anything like that.

"I really, really, really, really, need to have someone on the team to help Sakura and Sasuke and well we've been neighbors for the past five years and I see you down the streets walking the biggest dogs so maybe . . ." Naruto had started to ask her this one simple request but Inaho clutched her chest and fell to a chair.

'_Be__ still__ my __beating__ heart,'_She inwardly shrieked, '_Five__ years?__I've __been __living__ near__ the__ world's__ most__ corrupted __mass__ of __Chakra __for __five __years?__And __I __didn't __know__ this __nightmare __existed?'_

Of course she also never acknowledged Naruto's existence for the past five years. Thus she forgot Naruto actually existed.

"Are you even listening to me?" Naruto snapped. One look and Inaho noticed Naruto perched on her lap glowering his squinted eyes in her face. "I need some help and the only one I could think of was you."

'_Why__ me?'_She wanted to scream, '_Of __all __the __unlucky __invisible __shinobi __why __me?_'

Inaho had her doubts as she pushed the acting Jounin (at least until he passed or failed the test) off of him. Inaho never noticed his existence. Honestly she hated him. She was petrified of him. She had a deep seated fear of Fox Fairies. They could suck out someone's soul. They were crafty and not just malevolent pieces of chakra. The Nine Tailed Fox was a mass of pure hatred that chilled her to her very bones. She could sense Kyuubi in a sense, any experienced ninja learned how to feel killing intent that's what made Kyuubi so terrible and powerful. Naruto was living near her for five years, how could she not sense him?

'_The__ only __way __to __battle __a __Fox__Fairy,_' Inaho stated, '_Doesn't __involve __killing __but __cunning._'

"Please would you stay for tea?" Inaho asked. Inside she was hyperventilating. She was actually inviting a monster over for tea.

"But I have to get a replacement _now!_" Naruto whined, "I don't have time for tea and cookies!"

There went plan A. The experienced Shinobi always came up with a plan B to Know Thine Enemy. Naruto was a regular at Ichiraku Ramen. Fox Fairies loved offerings.

"How about a ramen cup?" Inaho announced. As if the magic word wasn't enough. Naruto bolted for the kitchen and started singing some random ditty about Miso Pork.

'_And__ to __think,_' Inaho mentally sighed, '_This __little __brat __is __the __guy __I __might __end __up __calling __Kyuubi-sensei._'

Naruto looked so cute with his face glued to the Microwave window. A little drool wiped off by his coat sleeve as he watched the package waltz round and round. Inaho grabbed a little bottle of special spices and carefully scattered a small bottle of cinnamon all spice in a wide circle at Naruto's feet.

"What are you doing?" Naruto asked.

"I'm . . . sprinkling repellant on the ground for bugs!" Inaho nervously tittered. "Oh how much time is left on your-"

Naruto glued himself to the screen. Inaho went back to sprinkling the spice on the ground. Naruto turned back to the cautious Genin just when Inaho finished the circle she ran through the hand signs. Ram, Tiger, Ram, Dog. One hand to complete the jutsu and Naruto ended up in a world of pain.

"Secret art," Inaho declared, "Fox Fairy Detector."

Now this Detector Jutsu was very special. If a fox fairy possessed a mere mortal. The fox's tail would be popping out between Naruto's legs. His original form would be revealed and the Kyuubi no Kitsune would run away spluttering curses at the castor. It was fairly harmless . . . for Inaho that is.

Naruto's eyes shifted to slitted red eyes. The whisker marks on his cheeks intensified. Claws digging holes where Naruto clutched his stomach. He blacked out, only to come to a gruesome sight. A spooky glare and fangs ringing the entire view of a ghostly cage.

"**Who ****do ****you ****want ****to ****kill!****" **The monster cackled.

Poor Naruto gulped. He let out a scream because of the burning in his stomach. A scream Inaho heard right where she was standing.

"Oh crud," Inaho hissed, "dispel, dispel, dispel!"

She rushed to the boy's aid. She flipped him over on his back and unzipped the jacket. She lifted up Naruto's shirt to reveal an opalescent spiral. The spiral darkened to a black circle. The fox's chakra bubbled forth. The fox raring to get out.

"Oh dear sweet Kami, I killed the kid!" She cried, "That's why this is a Jounin Level Jutsu. Inaho, your jounin-sensei is going to kill you."

She didn't know how to seal the fox back in. She only knew that extraction of the fox would kill the boy. Then what? She'd be facing jail time with Mizuki-sensei that's what. Death Row even!

Inaho had one shadowclone destroy the circle by kicking the cinnamon and all spice away from Naruto. The shadow clone disrupted the Jutsu's chakra. Inaho frantically perfomed CPR. Naruto stopped breathing.

"Please be alright," Inaho begged, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just please be alright. Egg my apartment. Yell at me! Do something! Just please be alright!"

"Wow! You really are a girl!" exclaimed a too good to be true voice. Naruto's hands were pushed up against Inaho's breasts. He was trying to get Inaho to stop crushing him with her arms, the booby grab was an accident.

THUNK

"Ow!" Naruto whined. That tiny blow to the head hurt. "What just happened? You used some dangerous Jutsu to kill me didn't you!"

'_I __thought __that __brat __actually __was __the __kyuubi!_' Inaho inwardly griped, '_Excuse __me __for __not __being __careful. __I __didn't __know __the __whole __truth.'_

"Well, I thought you were a Fox Fairy," Inaho explained. "What I just used was an A-ranked Jutsu. Top secret for detecting Foxes."

"Then what was that vision of that monster with all the teeth?" Naruto muttered, his crestfallen face tugged at Inaho's heartstrings. Which didn't help because she nearly killed Naruto aka boy-she-thought-who-was-the-Nine-Tailed-Fox.

'_If__ Naruto __ever __makes __Jounin,_' Inaho surmised, '_There__ could __be __many __near __death __experiences __like __this __again. __Naruto __may __be __a __bit __of __an __evil __fox __but __he's __still __a __Ninja __of __Konoha. __I __have __to __make __sure __this __doesn't __happen __again._'

"The way you are possessed is . . . much more complicated but now you can finally say you're nothing like a Fox Fairy." Inaho giggled nervously, she was just this close to breaking the third Hokage's law of telling a Jinchuriki that he was a vessel for a malevolent demon.

"What do I look like to you? Stupid? Admit it. I know you hate me." Naruto huffed. The timer dinged. "Oh boy! The ramen's done!"

He ravenously tucked in, halfway through slurping he growled. In reality Inaho didn't keep any ramen in her house. Her genjutsu was instantly dispelled along with the Fox Fairy Detector Jutsu. What Naruto thought was a nice cup of ramen. Naruto was actually eating Cream of Salary soup with Yakisoba Noodles instead.

"Yuck!" Naruto grimaced, "Vegetables are gross!"

"That Yakisoba, is the reason you're not dizzy right now from my jutsu," Inaho quipped, she felt very responsible over her mistakes, "You need your strength after surviving a jutsu like that. For Jounins out in the field this is normal. Genin make mistakes all the time and it's the teachers that usually get torched seventy five percent of the time. Why do you think the Uchiha Clan never let their kids practice spitting fireballs in the house or the fact that each squad has a training field to train in hmm? You never tried practicing Taijutsu in your living room, ne?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head nervously. Yes he did practice that . . . in there . . . where a hole happened to be in the wall that was the size of his face. Inaho looked at the clock. The second part of the chunin exam was about to begin in twelve minutes.

"Oh look at the time! We got to go! You! Get to that Jounin exam and hurry it up because if you don't do good there I'll be really guilty for nearly killing you." Inaho rambled.

"So you really _were_ trying to kill me!" Naruto grouched.

THUNK

"Ittai!" Naruto yelped. Her hits were tiny but stung.

"If I tried to kill you then I wouldn't have been so worried when you collapsed back there," Inaho snapped, "Now shoo! I've got some last minute preparations to do."

Naruto stalked to the window but Inaho flagged him down.

"Oh and Naruto," Inaho spoke softly with none of the hard edge she had before. Naruto glanced back, gobsmacked by Inaho's sudden change in tune.

". . . Good luck . . ." Inaho voiced, "I'm off to help your team."

"Good luck to you too Big Brother," Naruto piped up.

"FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME," Inaho yelled, "I'M ACTUALLY A GIRL!"

* * *

**(At the Forest of Death)**

Anko Mitarashi was in a bored mood. She was hoping to scare some more of the Genin witless but no one was being a smart elect today. Her biggest highlight though was the look on Ibiki's face when the Little Orange Runt ran in the opposite direction of everyone else on the starting line. The Runt's teammates Pinky and Ice Prick were uptight.

Well Ice Prick (Sasuke) was clenching his fists till his nails made his palms bleed. He didn't know whether to have a hissy fit he got surpassed by an idiot or get scared he lost something. Anko opted to breath down his neck to make him squirm and Pinky was the first to snap..

"LAY OFF MY TEAMMATES!" Sakura barked and gasped at her sudden outburst. Even Sasuke glanced wide eyed at his usually softspoken teammate. "I-I mean it's not like the first one who speaks is the first one . . . I mean we made it this far and I don't want to back down."

_'The__ Orange __Runt's __a __bit __more __of __an __influence __than __I__ thought,'_ Anko mentally crooned, "Eyes up front maggots! You know the rules. Team 7 your replacement is late so according to the proctor aka me. I'll have no choice but to."

"WAIT!" A call resounded, as a lone ninja ran up the hill panting and huffing, "Wait . . . I'm here . . . on Naruto-taichou's request. I'm Team 7's temporary squad mate Inaho Inoue."

"Oh my gosh," Ino mocked, "Your team is like a magnet for guys."

"I'M A GIRL!" Inaho yowled, "USE YOUR EYES AND YOU . . . HYUUGA BOY! YOU PEEK AT ME WITH YOUR BYAKUGAN! I'LL BREAK YOU!"

Neji about activated his Byakugan but considering the threat. He decided against finding out if Inaho actually had any feminine qualities beneath those baggy clothes. That was a question destined for later. Far be it from him to peek for his own curiosity.

Anko threw her kunai it barely nicked the woman's cheek.

"I'd have expected something less outrageous from you Inaho," Anko mused "Isn't this the fifth test you failed. Why the come back?"

Inaho wisely clamped her mouth shut to join her teammates.

"A change of heart I guess," Inaho shrugged, "Either that or I'm insane. I'll tell you later. Oh and Sasuke, Sakura . . . A message from Naruto he wishes he were here and he already misses you."

Sakura looked touched and a little teary. Sasuke just froze with a hint of jealousy.

THUNK

Inaho's fist thumping into Sasuke's cranium was light but the smack sent him reeling. Sasuke scowled at the tomboyish woman. He rubbed his head. How dare she strike the Last Uchiha.

"C'mon, no Konoha ninja mopes and didn't you hear my message? Naruto misses you. He's at the bottom of the totem pole with the rest of the newbies at the Jounin exam. He wishes he were back here competing alongside you but . . . he can't so I'm here. He misses you and hopes you'll compete with him again." Inaho chided the last Uchiha.

Sasuke visibly made no emotion slid across his features. His white knuckles gave way as he heaved a sigh. So sudden promotion never changed the Dobe one bit. He was still a goof ball. The same goof ball of Team 7. Somehow this tidbit of knowledge took a huge weight off his shoulders.

'_I'll__ catch __up __to __him,_' Sasuke declared to himself, '_He's __not __going __to __leave __me __in __the __dust._'

* * *

**(Interrogation Department)**

Ibiki Morino looked over the exam again, and again, and again. His lips set in a corpulent frown. He'd been the proctor for several exams, Jounin, Chunin or otherwise. It had been his pleasure to torture ruffians and make them squeal. He was a master of mind games that he was.

. . . A master of conundrums he was not.

The bingo book for every ninja in the village was flipped open to the page of Naruto Uzumaki and sprawled across the bar where he was drowning his sorrows or confusion take your pick. The Little Orange Runt's Ninjutsu was a par below average yet his chakra levels were inhuman even with the help of the nine tailed fox. A sneeze could blow his taijutsu, genjutsu and intelligence level off the face of the planet they were _that __bad_. The only thing this upstart underdog had going for him was average speed, below average strength and enough stamina to power an electrical device and rocket it across the water for twenty years non-stop or less.

'_Who's__ bright__ idea__ was__ it__ for__ him__ to__ ace__ the__ written__ exam?_' Ibiki mentally whined. Far be it from him to remember who passed Naruto the test in the first place.

"Good afternoon Ibiki," came a friendly greeting. Kakashi pulled up a seat as well as several other Jounin, Gai because Kakashi came, Asuma because he needed a good laugh, and Kurenai because her concern for small children was legendary.

"You want to know about Naruto," Ibiki guessed.

"It's not every day someone suddenly passes the wrong test!" Gai cheered, "Right Kakashi?"

"Hmm? Was that the wind?" Kakashi remarked. Gai fell off his stool after hearing that.

"Anyway it's just out of concern for Naruto. If he was at Kakashi's level maybe." Asuma began.

"He's not," Kakashi piped up.

Ibiki narrowed his eyes at the ongoing group. He was never going to crack under pressure. If his whitened knuckles from the squeezing of his glass were any indication.

"We're afraid he won't have a fighting chance at this exam," Kurenai concluded.

"Mah he'll . . . have a chance alright," Kakashi drawled.

He opened his book to a very interesting page. The others sitting at the bar looked upon him in mute shock or, in Gai's case, vocallized dismay. They never noticed a small boy who kicked in the swinging doors. He bounced in on the balls of his feet. His scratchy voice blaring out the newest string in a long line of nicknames that'd get him yelled at for years to come.

"Hey Beaky-sensei," Naruto piped up. Ibiki choked on his own spit. "I'm down here not up there! Beaky-sensei. HEY! Don't pass out on me. Beaky-sensei! Beaky-sensei!"

Naruto proceeded to throttle him awake. Ibiki slapped him away.

". . . What is it?" He growled.

"Do you know what the next exam will be?" Naruto piped up.

WHOMPH

Asuma choked on his cigarette. Kurenai was busy helping him to stop choking. Gai prat falled face first to the floor. Kakashi flinched, he'd have dropped his jaw if his mask wasn't holding it in position. Ibiki thought to himself somewhere out there his Guardian Angel went out to smoke a cigarette and never came back.

"Our next Exam was to ask the proctors what the next exam would be by any means necessary and since you were in charge of an exam and nobody was able to trick you. I just decided to flat out ask you." Naruto quipped.

Ibiki had the file that the Jounin candidates needed to take to the Hokage. Problem is he _knew_ all the tricks. Ibiki was quite proud.

"Oh well no one out cheats the Interrogator." Ibiki bragged, "There's no technique in torture and infiltration that I can't withstand."

Kakashi slapped himself with the book. Here it was. This was it. It was the bell test all over again.

"Oh yeah?" Naruto warned, he had a feeling his prank would have a different result on Ibiki than it would've on Anko. His grin nearly halved his face. He went through the hand signs shouting, "Oiroke no Jutsu."

The naked and buxom blonde bombshell sighed in ecstasy as she slithered her hands in from behind. A voice like the tinkling of raindrops giggled in the brain dead interrogators ears. Gai's face went blank, his white eyed face slackened. Kakashi slammed Gai on the table to get a look at that youthful beauty picking at Ibiki's pants pockets. Asuma choked on his second cigarette. Kurenai stared in horror. A naked lady in a bar; how scandalous is that?

"Thank you Beaky-Sensei!" The blonde beauty gushed and in a poof Naruto ran for his life out the door.

"WOW!" Asuma shouted, "Did you see that? Now that's genius."

Kurenai swatted Asuma for that comment. She glared at them.

"Hmm I wonder if Naruto could teach me that one," Kakashi observed, "Could we try using that Jutsu in a contest Gai? . . . Gai?"

Kakashi calmly shook his friend. Gravity gave Gai the liberty to fall from his chair to the floor. Gai had fainted the moment Naruto looked his way. Kakashi blew a puff of air at Ibiki. That puff of air knocked Ibiki to the floor.

CRASH

"Oh well," Kakashi shrugged, "Not all people can withstand the sight of beauty right Asuma."

"You said it," Asuma cheered.

Kurenai couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Oh Kakashi," Kurenai sweetly asked, "I heard you . . . shared something with Naruto. Do you mind telling me what that is?"

"B-but Naruto created that _long_ before I showed him that thing," Kakashi stated in blind panic to protect his precious Icha Icha Paradise. "Hey, Ow! . . . Ow!"

Kurenai had a few words to share with Kakashi. The same Kakashi she was dragging away by his ear. Asuma sank into his seat and disappeared. Hades had no wrath like a parental Kurenai.

"Asuma I have a few words to talk with you about too," Kurenai announced as if in afterthought.

Which goes to show no one could escape Kurenai's parental wrath either.

* * *

(1) Inaho is the name of one of the Genin that failed the first part of the exam. I tried to stay true to character but this Inaho sort of came into her own and veered away more. She looks like a guy but according to the databook she is a girl. So this one happens to have a responsibility streak and a bit of sensitivity about her looks.

(2) Fox Fairy. Another phrase used to describe Kitsune. What girlier name could anyone ever call the Kyuubi?

**Further Note: Yes the chapter is extremely short but hey the reviewers of chapter 1 gave me my first round of constructive criticism. What'd you like to see on the test? Will Naruto ever remained scarred from Kakashi's book and Why is Sasuke acting strange? Stay tuned to find out. **


	4. Chapter 4

**From ****Square**** One**

* * *

**Summary:**What if Naruto was accidentally given the Jounin exam and passed at the age of twelve?

**Author's****Note:**A few reviewers asked me about doing ideas involving traps and covert 'help'. This idea sounded like something fun to sneak in the Chuniin Exams too.

* * *

**Chapter**** 4****:**** When New Friends are Made**

* * *

**(In the Forest of Death)**

The long story short between Sakura and Sasuke's explanation. One heaven scroll and one earth scroll had to be gathered and delivered before the five days were up. Inaho sighed, inside she doubted how good she'd be able to work with, this team. They already had a strong team dynamic even if a little . . . odd. Sakura loved Sasuke but got annoyed by Naruto and Naruto loved Sakura but hated Sasuke's guts. Likewise Sasuke didn't _outwardly _show he missed the Orange Runt. He was a bit of a control freak in terms of, this-is-how-I-like-it-and-to-heck-with-it.

'_Great Team Dysfunction,'_ Inaho mentally sighed, _'How did Kakashi even drill Team basics into their HEADS!'_

Sasuke stopped short. They all dropped to the Forest Floor. Inaho, without thinking grabbed the team and lunged for the waters. She'd worry about the Poisonous snakes later. Sasuke socked the woman in the gut. Sakura struggled for air. Inaho went through another set of Handsigns.

. . . _Hare . . . Horse . . . Ram . . . __Secret Art Sound Detector_

She drew a circle of chakra enfused river mud around Sasuke's ear. Sasuke's eyes widened at the sudden increase in hearing. Sakura stopped struggling because Sasuke stopped. Inaho gambled but she knew she was going to have to trust the Chibi Avenger to hold his breath.

. . . Right now he was the only one able to make sure the coast was actually clear.

From above the watery depths a conversation shook the area.

"Gah-hah-hah!" Yoroi Akado's gruff voice warped with laughter, "I can't believe Team Dosu failed the first exam by cheating off of Naruto's test! Those guys are chumps!"

"Not to mention Orochimaru-sama has already taken the guys apart for spare parts," Misumi Surugi whispered. River water washed away the nervous sheen of sweat on Sasuke's brow, "Our new mission is to kill the kid and lay waste to that butch man and the bratty girl."

"Nah, nah, Misumi-kun, Yoroi-san, don't get too carried away." Kabuto crooned, "We can't bring back heaps to Orochimaru-sama could we?"

"Ha-ha! You just want a few more preserved specimens for your "collection"," Yoroi cackled. Their budding voices fading into the dark. Sasuke pounded Inaho hard in the back. He couldn't breath. Sakura's cheeks pinkened from lack of breath. Inaho scooted to the undergrowth of a rotting tree.

GASP

That breath of fresh air never felt so good.

"Of all the rude things to say!" Inaho grouched, "What part of me even looks like a boy!"

Sakura and Sasuke did not comment.

'_Other than the fact she dresses as gender neutrally as possible,' _Sasuke thought to himself.

'_Even Naruto looks prettier than Inaho and that's a stretch,' _Sakura mentally sighed.

"Sasuke-kun you're tense!" Sakura pointed out, stating the obvious, Sasuke clenched his fists again.

"Kabuto is a spy for another village, his whole team is. Boss's name is Orochimaru." Sasuke spat. "And I can't believe I trusted him!"

"You're kidding Kabuto Yakushi? Of the Sword-Armor-Helmet brigade? He's a creepy guy." Inaho laughed than her conscience kicked in, "Oh _that_ Kabuto Yakushi. He's a medic-nin and is the one person I'd avoid at all costs if I were-" Inaho's lecture was interrupted by a shriek, "Oh dear . . . Sakura are you okay?"

"I'm not," she sniffled, "I got gunk in my hair!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. What was it with girls and hair? Of course he knew why the 22 year old Inaho kept her hair short and he didn't care! Problem is Sakura's sobs would probably attract trouble. He went to go tug at the gunk. Sakura whimpered, the great Uchiha pulled her hair.

"Wait a minute," Inaho answered, "Sasuke what's that in her hair?"

Sasuke snorted, a second hand Earth Scroll. Thanks to Inaho arriving dead last they too had a second hand Earth scroll. Problem is this thing was wrapped up in something else.

HISSSSS

A motley green snake wriggled in Sasuke's grasp. The black stripes surrounding its emerald eyes glittered. Sasuke nearly dropped his scroll.

"Hmmm," Inaho observed, "Sakura, you don't mind getting your hair trimmed this early in the game do you?"

"Would Sasuke mind?" Sakura stated, "Ow!"

Inaho gave the little lady a light noggin-thump. Of all the bright ideas. Getting permission from someone else for what happens to one's own head? Not a bright idea.

"I'll cut your hair." Sasuke interjected, "We're a team of ninjas not hairstylists and sissies."

Inaho under normal circumstances would've strangled the blunt Uchiha. Sakura's pretty green eyes prickled with tears. Sure what Sasuke said was true. But he didn't have to be so heartbreaking.

"Honestly Sasuke," Inaho snipped she gently wrestled the giant demon wind shuriken out of Sasuke's outstreched hands and gently took out a kunai "you need to be more sensitive to your teammates. Anticipation involves 50% empathy 50% teamwork not harsh words. Sakura, Sasuke has a point. Hair is hair and hello . . ."

"What?" Sakura asked frightened, "Is there a bug? A poisonous snake?"

"Hmmm, poisonous but not lethal nor native," Inaho explained quickly, being in one place too long was liable to end up an ambush. Sasuke's thoughts were in agreement. He packed the Shuriken away quickly. Sakura motioned for the knife.

SKWIK

In one smooth motion the knot was now left hanging in Inaho's hands. The snake hissed angrily displeased at its discomfort.

"It's not a native species?" Sakura asked. "What makes you say that?"

"It's coloring and scale pattern is a snake more native to the Land of Sea." Sasuke exclaimed quickly as they ran tree ward for cover.

Inaho smiled wanly. Sadly snakes in the Forest of Death were anything but little. The littlest snake in the Forest of Death was five meters long and weighed three hundred pounds. The perfect size to gobble up house pets and small children. This Little Snake was, thankfully an adult, and tended to open its mouth like it was trying to say something. This Little Snake was one of the Jonin's summons.

"Inaho," Sasuke called out, breaking Inaho from her thoughts.

"Oh, yes?" Inaho answered, they finally landed in a clearing . . . for the moment.

"What was that Jutsu you used on me just now?" Sasuke asked.

"Detector Jutsu," Inaho commented, "It's not powerful but it is useful. Say Sasuke-kun, could you hold this for me."

Sasuke balked when the Snake started to slowly crawl up his sleeve. The Little Snake however purred like a spoiled cat. It curled loosely around Sasuke's neck. It wiggled into a comfortable position on the Chibi Avenger's shoulders. Sasuke scowled at the little thing.

"Hmm it must be part tree snake," Inaho pointed out. "Boas squeeze, tree snakes lounge. You'll be alright."

"But why did you hand the Snake to Sasuke?" Sakura asked, Inaho decided Sakura is always asking questions.

"Well that Snake actually belongs to someone from Konoha," Inaho pointed out, "These guys . . . well Orochimaru considers them expendable but they do good for scouting and security. I couldn't be trusted with snakes, I handle big dogs and terriers, stuff that eat snakes so this guy would eat me and Sasuke does not have a pet in the house nor smells of shampoo. He has the big job of carrying cart-able security."

"So basically we're using someone else's body guard?" Sasuke snorted.

"Be respectful," Inaho quipped, "The little guy understands humans."

Sasuke glanced and felt the Little Snake bristle.

"Well okay the big snake then, besides handling a Snake is better than handling Orochimaru, if you're nice who knows one day you might form a summoning contract with the big guy," Inaho declared happily. Sasuke rolled his eyes. Him . . . handling snakes . . . Yeah that would be the day.

Then again he never thought he'd work with a Kunoichi from another team. He'd never thought he'd see Sakura of all people actually cut her own hair (without complaining). He'd never thought about being nice to not so cuddly reptiles. Sakura seemed to be giving her lost fond farewell to that pretty pink hair before using a paper note to burn it. Her mind was on another route.

* * *

**(Meanwhile in the Hokage's Office)**

Anko Mitarashi kicked the door open. She stormed in, bustling about for something she lost. She flung all the scrolls off the desk. She rolled the chair around in a haphazard waltz. Her milky brown eyes spied some decadent dumplings. She slowed five seconds to scarf something.

"Mmmm! Mmm! Mm!" Anko delightedly crooned. It was an old habit, scarf first, ask whose dango it was later. "Oh yeah! . . . What was I . . . Dang! Mr. Whompers where are you!"

Her favorite snake, at least for right now. She bred it to release a deadly nerve toxin that destroys muscle tissue and causes nosebleeds. Perfect for the Kunoichi who has a tan overcoat for a purse. What better way to guard a wallet and off a few pickpockets? She lifted one kid off the ground.

"Hey!" the Little Kid cried out. Anko set the kid down and adjusted his head to where she saw a pair of glaring blue eyes on a round whisker marked face.

"Oh it's the Little Orange Runt," Anko sighed, "Hey you haven't seen my pet snake Mr. Whompers have you?"

"Mr . . . Whompers . . . isn't that a name you give bunny rabbits?" Naruto blurted out and covered his mouth when Anko glared.

"Mr. Whompers is an adorable name for a snake. Disagree with me and I'll kick your sorry hide." Anko growled, she showed him a picture, of the snake spitting venom King Cobra style and suddenly her face brightened, "Now isn't he cute?"

In reality Mr. Whompers was scarier beyond explanation but to protect his hide our orange clad hero nodded quickly. His life depended on it or so he thought.

"Hey you're not so bad you Little Orange Runt," Anko praised him and tousled his hair. Naruto stood frozen stiff.

_'Was this __**really**__ the proctor for the Chunin exams?_' Naruto thought to himself, _'How could she lose such a hideous snake?'_

* * *

**(Meanwhile in the Forest of Death)**

BLECHSSS-CHOO!

"Did that snake just sneeze?" Inaho commented, "I thought Snakes don't sneeze?"

Sasuke's eye twitched during the time the team traveled. The snake sneezed all right. Anko's precious Mr. Whompers was hanging dangerously around the Chibi Avenger's neck wiping it's mouth on the better part of its coils, sniffling.

"Personally I think he's kind of cute," Sakura cheered Sasuke looked at her like she was joking, "Almost well . . . he's kind of cute . . . for a reptile."

* * *

**(Back at the Hokage's Office)**

Both had their own reasons to see the Hokage. Both were bored out of their skull. Anko fiddled with her skirt, her mind dead set on getting Mr. Whompers back where he belongs. She already adjusted her spiky purple ponytail twice out of girly habit. She picked at the netting of her mesh bodysuit. A valuable lesson was about to be learned and it didn't matter if the kid's ages were age 12 and age 22.

. . . Never leave bored Hyperactive Children to their own devices.

"So . . . You're the Kyuubi right?" Anko asked. It _was_ what everyone else called the Little Orange Runt. People hated him so much they forgot his name, called him Demon, Kyuubi, Munster, and some four letter word her sensei washed out her mouth out with soap for saying.

"I'm not that stupid Fox Fairy I'm the future Hokage! Believe it!" Naruto griped, "Naruto Uzumaki the Next Hokage! Me! Not that stupid fox! But Me! Naruto! Uzumaki-dattebayo!"

"Okay, okay, don't get you panties in a wad, geez," Anko lamented, "Hyperactive Brat."

"But what about you?" Naruto asked, "You're Anko Mitarashi right? I see you at the Amaguriyama as many times as I go to Ichiraku Ramen."

"Hey how'd you know my name!" Anko seethed "And furthermore you're a rookie Jounin. Intel gathering is a . . . a . . . well nice guess kid. That's my name don't where it out."

"I'm not~" Naruto whined, "This is like the first normal conversation I've had with any normal person in my life. I'm the most hated kid on the planet. So much so that they forget I don't exist unless I'm pulling a prank. I'm invisible, a wall flower, believe it! People say whatever they want in front of me insults included and they don't care even though I wear bright orange. It's like I was never born."

Anko blinked at the steady rant of words. Someone considered her, a blood thirsty tomboy, normal?

"So what about your squad. What makes them not so . . . normal?" Anko asked.

Naruto crossed his arms deep in thought. Now that question was hard.

"Um well Sasuke is planning to kill some guy but he's an ice prick anyway so he's cool. I just found out Kakashi-sensei is a major pervert. He showed me his book and Kurenai-sensei yelled at him because of that. Sakura-chan . . ." Naruto got all dreamy eyed and blushed for like two seconds before he scowled at the desk, "Well she hasn't discovered _my_ manly charm, she's always _Sasuke-kun, Sasuke-kun, Sasuke-kun._ I swear she'd find Sasuke sexy if he was acting like me and picking his nose."

Anko bit back a giggle. She guffawed and next thing you know she was rolling on the floor with laughter. Naruto bent over the wiggling Snake Lady to see if she was trying to breath. Anko decided the Orange-Chatterbox already had a couple of the jonin basics down. Intel gathering and when to remain inconspicuous. There were so many skills to test on in the Jonin Exam and nobody gave directions on how to get it done.

Naruto peeked into the file that said "Show off your best skill."

'_Man what would Kakashi do at a time like this?'_ Naruto wondered, '_It's not like I don't know what my weaknesses are. Sasuke points them out every time I screw up. Even Inaho got the drop on me and she still doesn't remember that time I put Ex-lax in her coffee or the time I fed her dog laxative laced bran muffins.'_

"Ne, Anko-san?" Naruto asked, "You passed the Jonin Exams too right?"

Anko perked up at the question. She nodded. What Jonin didn't pass the Jonin Exam?

"What do they mean by "Show off your best skill?"" Naruto piped up. Anko face faulted. Was this kid really cut out to be a Jounin.

"Oh good grief man, show the Hokage anything!" Anko snapped, "If you can do it! You can show it! You can do whatever you want and get extra credit for the test."

Naruto's eyes sparkled with anticipation, the sun couldn't compare to those eyes, "Anything?"

"Well duh! Gaki, of course do whatever the hell you want!" Anko announced.

"Hmmm would you like to help me out?" Naruto asked, he found that he and his new friend had a lot in common, "I could pay you in Dango."

Anko pretended to take her time considering her decision before blurting, "DEAL!"

* * *

**(Meanwhile in the Forest of Death)**

Sakura gulped when he heard a young man gurgle. A gust of wind, slicing screams, a blood bath with one red head maniacally cackling in the middle of it all. Sakura felt immediately sick to her stomach as that putrid rotting smell reached her nose. She gathered up her courage, she needed to remain strong. She was counting on Sasuke, but she needed to count on herself too.

"Sasuke how many are left on the battlefield." Sakura asked, the smell of rotting meat and sand made her woozy. Inaho handed Sakura a hankie.

"Wipe your face," Inaho spoke, Sakura was glad to wipe that _Scent Detector Jutsu_ off her nose.

"There's three left, our targets," Sasuke began, he lurched forward to attack but Sakura held him back, "Sakura!"

"Hold it, Sakura has a point it's not safe to act hostile, use your self control and be the bigger person." Inaho instructed, trying to play mediator between the two made things a little awkward and to say the least, she thought Sakura's idea of reasoning with the Sand Siblings was insane.

"What gives you the right to judge?" Sasuke snapped angrily, the sand swirled beneath his feet Sasuke made room to jump, it was Inaho that held him still.

"Sasuke-kun with that data we learned from Kabuto about Gaara. I cross-referenced everything by memory and Gaara is quite a bit like a certain someone we know," Sakura bragged, she didn't have to say Naruto the sand swirled beneath her feet and Sakura swallowed a lump of fear, "And when we met Gaara the other day before the Chunin exam. His teammates treated Gaara the same way Naruto was treated by the villagers."

Sasuke clenched his fists. Things weren't going _his _way but he had to admit. He liked this capable confident side of Sakura better than the squeamish sissy side.

"People hate him," Sakura pointed out, eyes pleading, begging, searching those onyx orbs for emotion, "And . . . he's mentally unstable right now. I remember some of the times Naruto acted like a total loser but that's because he didn't have us right Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Kankuro in the meantime screwed up his face while scouring the "wreakage" for clues. He poked at it with a stick. He kneeled down gently plugging his nose against the stink. Inaho counted three familiar faces.

"Sand Ninja,puppet user close combat, wind user she can use that fan as a bludgeoning device, Gaara . . . hmm Gaara, Gaara, Gaara," Inaho mumbled equations, she looked to her left and smiled sinisterly, "Sasuke you did tell me how much you love a challenge. Ever fried sand at 1200 degrees Celsius?"

"Hn," Sasuke grunted, but his interest was perked. Maybe he'd have a say in how he wants things done after all.

At the same time. Temari kept her sweet distance from her murderous youngest brother. Kankuro tossed away a femur. A skull missed Temari's head by two centimeters.

"Kankuro!" Temari commanded, "Watch where you're throwing. You could set off a trap."

"Every time," Kankuro grumbled, "Yeah, yeah, send the puppet master to do the icky part. Why do I have to poke around some poor thing's innards for a stupid scroll."

He picked up the scroll and showed it to Temari.

"It's just another heaven's scroll . . . useless." Kankuro tossed the scroll aside. Gaara picked it up and grinned maliciously. It was covered in blood.

"Hmm-mm-mm-mmm Mother would love it," Gaara sneered happily, placing the scroll Team 7 needed in the gourd, "Wouldn't you . . . Mother?"

Creepy it was yes. Far from what anyone would count as sane? Definitely so. He stroked a tendril of blood stained sand tenderly. He could the voice of his "mother" cackling maniacally in the back of his head. It whispered sweet nothings in his psychotic ears.

"Who goes there!" he barked. A sand dune slammed forth. The copse of trees in smithereens.

'_Thanks to Gaara's . . . invisible friend . . . he has an innate sensitivity to hostility.'_ Sasuke remembered Inaho's explanation clearly, _'His . . . invisible friend . . . can break him out of a Genjutsu and even be an extra set of eyes to his ultimate defense. Only problem is it's a double edged sword. Much like your nightmares. Gaara's got a steady supply of sleep deprivation of his own.'_

Gaara's hands went skyward. The conducter of this killing spree sent his hands up, down, left, right. Sasuke dodged, ducked, turned, dived. Pillar after pillar of sand ensued. Sasuke went through the motions. His hands wrapped through the seals.

_Fire Style: Phoenix Flower Jutsu_

Volleys of fireballs lit the sands aflame. Sculptures of glass, slick and dark, twirled forth frozen in time. Gaara took one fireball full in the face. Gaara screamed in anguish. How dare the Uchiha ruin his beautiful sand.

Temari had her own problems with one boy who disappeared into the trees. Inaho ran quartercircle, going through the seals _ram, horse, snake, ram_. She spread mugwart through the circle; ducked. Temari's fan filled wind sliced the grove of trees. Inaho ran quarter circle again pumping chakra into the seal; ack!Fireball! Inaho breathed easy, she'd yell at Sasuke later. Inaho had only three feet of the circle to finish a meer three feet and she . . . ran out of Mugwart.

'_Darn of all times,'_ Inaho cursed herself.

Kankuro . . . had a boring problem. Sakura just stood still.

"Where are you," Kankuro chuckled.

Sakura dashed forward, flinging her shuriken. Kankuro deflected. She stood back and watched. Kankuro did not like this game at all.

'_Kankuro is a puppet master but where is his puppet. All that's there is . . . Ah-ha!' _Sakura mentally cheered.

Kankuro pulled a come-here gesture yanking the thread of chakra. Projectile flew towards her. Sakura stepped aside. She grabbed that wood arm. Kunai in the other. She struck the puppet down.

"Ha! I got it!" Sakura cheered while her inner voice yelled WHO'S THE MAN! I'M THE MAN! CHA!

The victory was too soon a celebration.

"You didn't strike the puppet little girl." Kankuro scoffed. Sakura screamed. A wooden face cackled into view.

"You just struck the PUPPETEER!" Kankuro yelled, fury etched in his features as the bandages came off revealing the real string puller. Sakura accomplished a kunai stabbed square between the shoulder blades. The puppets several arms collapsed around Sakura, squeezing the life out of her in a sickening crunch.

"Good job Kankuro," Temari praised, "Butch Boy is mine."

"HEY I happen to be a GIRL!" Inaho bristled. She rose at that statement. Temari readied her fan. Sakura pulled her hands together for one last seal.

BOOM

The explosive note on Sakura's Kunai imploded. Kankuro's back along with it. Temari gasped, a pause. Puppet parts flying everywhere. Sasuke grabbed the wood arm. Temari crumpled, poison spike to the ribs.

The last of Gaara's sand strewn the circle. Inaho let loose one final seal.

_Secret Art Sleeper's Circle_

The group collapsed to sleep. Sakura bit her lip.

"So much for trying to reason," She sighed.

The ground stirred. Silt rose from the river bed. Mr. Whompers let loose a hiss. Several inches earth rose from the ground. Temari and Gaara were the only ones caught in the Sleeper's Circle fast asleep. Kankuro however, his face shifting from anguish to pain to fear whispered only one thing.

"What the heck did you _do?"_

The next few hours were spent running from a psychotic Gaara on foot. A tidal wave of sand, glass, whatever fine dirt and poor creature mangled up along with it. The bijuu's laughter assaulting every ear. Now this left two choices.

. . . run or die . . .

. . . Kankuro chose running.

. . . Sasuke chose the wrong time to extremely noble.

"Sasuke drop your load!" Inaho quipped.

"Shut up!" Sasuke snapped, Trying to carry Temari and her fan proved awkward for the Chibi Avenger. Face set in a determined scowl he hefted her up piggy back style. Temari fell the other way.

"Here I'll carry her." Inaho answered grabbing Temari, mindful of the poisoned puppet part sticking out the blonde's ribs.

Kankuro summoned crow with merely a gesture before the running commenced. Gaara was having the time of his twisted life. Kankuro wanted to kill the group.

Sasuke slowed . . . again.

"Sasuke dump the stupid fan!" Inaho snapped.

Sasuke tripped in earnest on a vine and tumbled straight to the tower. He didn't care. He was going to prove himself and that was that.

Inaho balked when Sasuke got pinned in a layer of junk.

"You are mine to kill," Gaara cackled, "You are mine~ to Gaah!"

Mr. Whompers dived. He beelined Gaara's nostrils(2). One bite to the screaming boy's nose. Blood gushed fiercely down his chin.

"This . . ." Gaara finally awoke just as Mr. Whompers retreated down Sasuke's shirt. Gaara touched his nose. His eyes widened at the sight of his hand. "MY BLOOOOD!"

"Kankuro-san could we trade your extra heaven scroll for our extra earth scroll please?" Sakura finally asked.

"Why didn't you say so before!" Kankuro snapped.

"You tried to kill us," Sakura murmured.

"Well you could've just asked for the stupid scroll!" Kankuro shouted.

"But you were going to kill us anyway." Sasuke scoffed, "Not that it made any difference. Your brother is a psycho and your sister is cruel."

". . .Point taken . . ." Kankuro agreed, "Oh well, my siblings will kill me and Crow's still . . ."

Kankuro's poor puppet was missing a few limbs.

"Well he's here and my back hurts," Kankuro scoffed, "No wonder I hate kids."

The wilting look Inaho gave Kankuro as he carefully dumped Temari over his shoulder like a sack of flour would've killed the Puppeteer on the spot. Sand encircled Sasuke's throat. Sasuke froze. Gaara's gentle green eyes glazed with fury.

"You have what I want," Gaara seethed, his gravely voice dripping with disdain, "And for that you are MINE to KILL!"

The sand dispursed leaving the icky Heaven Scroll behind. Sasuke shivered, he didn't want to think about what it was covered with. It smelled like Naruto's dirty clothes. He backed away from the disgusting thing. Inaho took out her hanky to pick up the poor disgusting scroll.

"Gee Chibi I think Gaara likes you," Kankuro teased. Sasuke shrugged, he brushed the sand off his throat and sauntered away. A blood thirsty Gaara stomped after him. His steps wobbly from Mr. Whompers poisonous bite.

"Gaara," Kankuro tentatively called out afraid to meet his brother in the eye, "Our sister? Your nose?"

". . . Fine . . ." Gaara lamented, walking steadily in front of Kankuro he pointed at the Chibi Avenger one last time, "We shall get healed. Do not forget. You are MINE to KILL!"

"Psh like I care," Sasuke snorted, '_I care not to do that again any time in the future . . . gross!'_

Both teams went their separate ways.

* * *

**(Finally in the Hokage's Office)**

Iruka was having a brisk all right day today. He was worried for young Naruto. It's kind of hard seeing someone you've practically raised yourself over the years suddenly grow up in one night. He knew being known as a ninja prodigy was hard on a child. They were expected to be born already blessed with skills that take years to accomplish.

"Hey! Iruka-sensei!" spoke a small peevish voice. The hairs on the back of his neck bristled at the sudden laugh. That laugh coupled with a blood thirsty giggle.

"Is something wrong?" asked a wizened Sarutobi. Iruka jumped nearly out of his skin.

"Oh no nothing is wrong at all Hokage-sama," Iruka lied, '_Other than this nagging feeling that is,'_

"Ah that's good," Sarutobi stated, "May I come into my office please?"

"NO YOU MAY NOT!" Iruka yelled, than thought better of it, "Actually by all means go right-"

ZING

WHAMMO!

". . . Ahead . . ." Iruka flatlined, "Good Afternoon Asuma-sensei? . . What happened to you?"

Asuma was hanging upside down in a toilet paper cacoon. His smokes jettisoned across the floor. He struggled and dangled. The saran wrap beneath it tightened around his limbs.

"I'll be just fine if I could reach my cigarettes," Asuma stated, "Kurenai sent me here to get something."

"What am I going to do with you?" His father chuckled, Asuma was as red as a beet.

"Helping me down would be nice," Asuma declared.

Hiruzen Sarutobi sat down at his desk. He pushed in the drawer.

ZOOM

The desk ricocheted forward taking down the entire east wall with it. One thing stood perfectly clear. Iruka face palmed. The Hokage stared down at his brightly stained robes. He found Naruto's file and put a check mark next to skills in Intelligence gathering and setting of traps. Iruka however had his own thing to say.

"NARUTOOOOO!" Iruka screamed loud and clear. Right next to Naruto who, with a wince, stood behind the laughing snake lady. He, in running distance to the door.

. . . It seemed some things . . . never changed.

* * *

(1) Inaho is the name of one of the Genin that failed the first part of the exam. I tried to stay true to character but this Inaho sort of came into her own and veered away more. She looks like a guy but according to the databook she is a girl. So this one happens to have a responsibility streak and a bit of sensitivity about her looks.

(2)The nose seemed like a good idea. Gaara may be incased in that sand armor but he still needs to breath.

**Further****Note:**** Personally I was thinking the Sand Sibs could've reigned down much more chaos and destruction seeing as how many fans of the Sand Siblings will probably tell me they needed a cooler introduction. Team 7 dodged quite the bullet this round but what about the preliminaries? Who will go up against who?**


	5. Chapter 5

**From****Square****One**

* * *

**Summary:**What if Naruto was accidentally given the Jounin exam and passed at the age of twelve?

**Author's****Note:**** A couple questions answered here. Sasuke never meeting Orochimaru, well Orochimaru will get his big reveal later but the one thing that stays cannon is Sasuke's nerves were already frayed by the time the second part of the Chuunin exam was over. He was a ticking time bomb that took hundreds of chapters to erupt. In this storyline he blew up sooner instead of later.**

* * *

**Chapter**** 5****:**** Let's all Breathe**

* * *

**(Outside the Tower)**

Grabbing the other scroll needed for the Exam was easy, too easy, child's play. Yet trying to find the Last Uchiha proved difficult. No campfires burning into the night sky. No mess left from afternoon mealtimes. His plan was flawless! Every beginner always got their tails handed to them in the Forest of Death. All he had to do was wait and conveniently come to the rescue. Everyone likes the nice guy, so it's easy to earn someone's trust with a friendly smile.

Problem is he wasted nearly five whole days trying to find a prodigy pipsqueak and his genin squad of clowns.

"Orochimaru-sama would like to have a word with you Yakushi," Yoroi growled, Kabuto needed to make his daily report. Secretly he hated Konoha and some of its less than wonderful inhabitants. He considered himself a simple opportunist with no need for fame and glory . . . a nothin' . . . an orphan . . . a nobody.

. . . Could life be that more simple?

"I've written down all the results from the second test," Kabuto told his boss. He waved that card tantalizingly in the air like a dog bone over a dingo, "You want this right?"

Golden eyes lit up aglow within a pallid long face. His mouth snaking across in jagged tooth grin, with that long tongue licking its chops in anticipation. He grabbed the card carefully in his hand. The man's face lit up from the results than frowned. That concentrating face could be a fifty/fifty chance of either good news or missing fingers.

"Heh heh, so you are that interested. . . " Kabuto asked cautiously

Orochimaru was glaring holes through the card.

"Something is missing." Orochimaru grunted.

Kabuto's chatter stopped short. Him? Missing any information? Caution being a forte of his, Kabuto straightened up his glasses and eyed him coldly.

"Which information do you mean, Orochimaru-sama?" Kabuto inquired, hoping he knew more than the legendary sannin or otherwise if he appeared one bit more useless than it would be him on the dissection table.

* * *

**(Sometime Later)**

"As I was saying," Komugi grouched, around a mouthful of instant noodles, "That Kyuubi Brat doesn't seem like a demon fox. Everyone knows that demon foxes are intelligent beings whose supernatural abilities just get better with age and experience."

Komugi, being one year older than both Inaho and Gennai tended to be the unspoken leader of the group. His flop of shaggy black hair above his weathered Hitai-ate tended to add years to his face. Crow's feet on eithier side of his eyes from squinting for trouble. He only recently grew out his small beard after it was singed off last year.

"Your point?" Gennai admitted.

Gennai's close cropped hair and turtleneck were an earthy color scheme to match the sash around his chest. . . Usually the calm and collected one of the group. He had enough excitability for three people if given the right incentive. His teammates' safety being one of them.

"Have you ever noticed how many more people have taken an interest into this year's Team 7?" Komugi confided.

Of course who wouldn't take an interest. Ever since that Kyuubi brat opened his trap. Everyone and their dog wanted to kill him. Rude rookie genin were not welcome during the chunin exams. Lately however the political dark horse of a Jounin canidate was gaining popularity quickly and Team 7's other two squadmates faded into obscurity as soon as the second test started.

"Who wouldn't," Gennai admitted, "Inaho's on their team. Naruto made Jonin. Not to mention the last Uchiha didn't take the wheel this time. Have you noticed what happened to Kabuto?"

Komugi shook his head. Tonight was poor man's feast night around the campfire. Usually to celebrate a teammate moving forward in an exam they'd eat out but Genin pay being what it is (cheaper than dirt). A night of microwavable noodles under the stars became Inaho's idea of adding romance to the sharing of TV Dinners. This was before Inaho stopped being girly altogether.

"Well between you and me some Grass nin ratted him out for cheating. He was forced to fail the third exam and the last Uchiha sided with the Grass Nin." Gennai admitted, "Well I don't know about Uchiha, he never sides with anyone but that Yakushi group is getting desperate. HA! And just think how chaotic it would've been if Naruto was on the team instead of Shy Little Inaho."

* * *

**(Three days earlier, In the Tower)**

Sakura was secretly ecstatic that Sasuke leaned on her for support as they walked through the entrance. It was almost like they were on a DATE except for the bugs. That one episode involving leeches. The fact Gaara happened to be a homicidal psycho (no wonder Kankuro was so afraid), and the fact that Inaho being there tended to ruin the romance much like a parental escort would. Naruto wasn't there to depend upon anymore, it was kind of sad to not notice a good thing until it's gone.

"I miss Naruto," Sakura spoke out loud.

Inaho registered Sakura's voice with surprise. Sasuke's eyes competed with the size of dinner plates as he shied away, _v-er-y _slowly. Did the Sasuke-kun fan-girl say what he thought he heard? Did the princess of love sickness suffer from a bout of competency again?

"Well I really miss Naruto," Sakura admitted her inner self screamed with dismay when she let Sasuke go, "He's stupid, he's stubborn but he's the hardest worker of our team. He's our Naruto. The Number one Hyperactive Knuckleheaded Ninja."

"Um well, I don't know about Naruto being stupid but the title fits," Inaho nervously giggled, '_Good grief Naruto is literally the thing that held Team Dysfunction together.'_

"You're right," Sasuke sighed, the display of weakness left a rotten taste in his mouth, "I miss him too. At least he had more dependability than _you_ did."

"What?" Sakura fumed.

"You heard me, Naruto has the least skill but at least he had creativity," Sasuke mused, he didn't know what to think of this new Sakura but it was fun to rile her up a bit despite Inaho's panicky words of warning.

"Well . . . Naruto was a bucket of sunshine compared to you. Hell would've froze over before you even talked to me." Sakura argued.

"What. Did. You. Say?" Sasuke growled with a glare. His eye did this wonderful twitch.

"The day Naruto qualified for the Jounin exam was the day Hell froze over so there!" Sakura teased and blew a raspberry straight in his face. Which for Naruto him making hell freeze over sounded plausible. Heck he'd do it given enough dry ice.

Inaho looked on in horror at the scariness known as the twelve year old child. Without Naruto to focus on. The team used each other as a vent. Bad idea, Kakashi didn't find a point to tell them when friendly competition went a bit too far. The argument escalated before Inaho had enough. A blood vessel pounded upon her head.

WHACK

KA-BONG

She grabbed each kid by the ear and banged their heads together. Sakura clutched her noggin, looked ready to cry. She'd never been on the receiving end of a Fury Swipe. Sasuke rubbed his head and glared at Inaho with the same force that could melt Ricotta Cheese. Inaho on that same point affectionately ruffled her teammates' hair. Her smile belying the fact she'd do the same thing again if those two continued arguing.

"Hey, look at that!" Sakura pointed out the poster high above the wall. It said as follows . . .

[If you lack . . . seek wisdom, be prepared, . . . If you lack . . . run in the fields, seek advantages]

"How many darn riddles does a test have to have," Inaho sighed, "Can any of you make out what that thing says because somewhere in this test there's always a goofy booby trap."

"I think it means it's safe to open the scrolls," spoke Sakura.

A hand placed on either scroll. Inaho's knuckles whitened in anticipation and abject fear. What if a giant slathering fox leaped out of the scroll? What if Sasuke started giggling and singing show tunes? What if the worst thing she could possibly imagine happens multiplied by six? Both scrolls unfurled, Sasuke recognized the seals immediately.

"Summoning Jutsu get back!" he cried.

The smoking scrolls flung to the floor. Tendrils of smoke coalesced into a twister of smoke. The fog slowly dissipated revealing a tanned skin man whose blush did nothing but attract attention to the scar across his nose. Inaho recognized him immediately.

"Umino-san!" Inaho greeted enthusiastically, from one adult to another, "Long time no see! How've you been?"

"Ah . . . enlightened . . . Inoue-san," Iruka spoke. He checked the stopwatch in mild surprise, "You got here in two days? With two scrolls? . . . Oh congratulations, Team 7 you've passed the second exam."

A wave of relief lit across everyone's faces. Inaho wanted to rave and cheer but settled for falling to the floor and giggling maniacally. Forty eight hours of stress, forty eight hours of biting her tongue, forty eight hours of keeping together a team she hardly knew and it was worth it. It was worth the fights, near death dramas and finally one chance closer to passing. Sakura collapsed, she just knew Naruto would be bounding all over the room like a monkey on caffeine. Sasuke lowered himself gracefully to the floor. The trio sharing reserved glances and covert congratulations of a job well done.

"It's not that bad," Iruka joked, "It's not like you ran away from some monster."

The three shuddered in moderation. Gaara was much more intimidating than a monster. He was a cardiovascular workout. That was for certain.

"Besides nearly dying, what would've happened if we opened the scrolls early?" Sasuke pointed out.

"Sharp as usual," Iruka chuckled as he knelt to retrieve the scrolls, "If you were to break the rules and opened these scrolls you'd have been put in an unconcious state."

"What a jip!" Inaho grumbled, "I knew it! I knew there was a booby trap somewhere! That summoning jutsu activates regardless of the time! You'd have beat us black and blue anyway Umino-san!"

Iruka glared daggers at the Inaho. Inaho humphed back at the young man. Inaho guessed right. Several of the ninjas that did break the rules were sipping through a straw. Double-crossing an already peeved off Chunin tends to do that to people.

On a change of subject Sakura waved the comment aside and asked Iruka, "What about the poster sensei. What does it say?"

"That would be the other reason I'm here," Iruka spoke, "This is the motto of the Chunin written by the Hokage-sama."

"The Nidaime wrote it, Shodaime adopted it and Sandaime put it into writing," Inaho rambled, she'd been through these tests so many times she adopted this quote to heart, "Earth; body. Heaven; mind."

"**If you lack heaven seek wisdom, be prepared,**" Iruka recited, "Basically if you don't think than you sink."

"Much like Sakura's thinking when she blew up Kankuro and Inaho's thinking when she put Gaara to sleep," Sasuke sagely surmised. Both women squirmed.

"Hey! You agreed to it!" Sakura glared, "And you did less thinking than we did!"

SQUEEZE

Inaho roughly ruffled their hair and little Mr. Whompers hissed in protest. That snake knew he did good too! Just like his mama Anko taught him!

"Let's not forget the big guy," Inaho pointed out carefully because if Sasuke got snake bit for his disrespect it'd be on Inaho's head. That snake thought it was a ninja. "Sorry Umino-san you were saying?"

"**Gain knowledge and prepare yourself for missions,** it's obivious you weren't prepared," Iruka surmised, "**If you lack Earth . . ."**

Sakura stifled a tiny gasp. She knew this applied to her. Stamina wasn't her specialty.

"**Run in the fields and seek advantages," **Iruka recited.

"**If you have both Heaven and Earth. You can succeed the most dangerous mission,**" Inaho blurted out and clapped a hand to her mouth when Iruka raised his eyebrow at her.

"The missing word from the scrolls is **"Person"** . . . **These rules will guide a person's extremes.**" Iruka finished blandly.

"Sorry," Inaho begged, "This is the first time I ever helped everyone pass a test early. I'm excited, I'm nervous, and holy cow what was I _thinking_."

"You weren't thinking anything out of the ordinary," Iruka praised, he was so proud he gave everyone congratulatory pats on the back, "You did such a good job. I'm so proud."

The feeling of guilt pooled in Inaho's stomach leaving a warm hardness weighing her down to the floor. The adrenaline rush finally passed, but the whole event felt like a dream. They passed, they passed early and the test still wasn't over. A preliminary round and a final arena fight. Thousands of people to see her center stage fighting for her life. The other two, being young and restless were bouncing on the balls of their feet.

Except for Sasuke, the realization a little slow to realize just _who_ decided to have a certain thing for him and it wasn't someone confessing their love. Gaara did decide to kill Sasuke after all.

Sakura paced back and forth frantically worrying about the others. All rookie nine of her class (excluding Naruto) had passed the second exam. She hadn't seen Team Gai and even if a few of those guys did weird her out (Lee in particular) she still couldn't help but worry.

All that pent energy building. Sakura pacing a dirt trail into the floor. Sasuke hiding his rush of blood curlding fear in meditation, eyes squeezed shut. Inaho breathed slowly, still not believing she came this far, this time and had three days to actually breathe. Okay make that two days. Sasuke was still tensing from his encounter with Gaara. Sakura was still a worrywart because her brain wouldn't slow down. Inaho placed a hand on his shoulder. Sasuke bunched his shoulders around his ears, making Mr. Whompers the snake hiss.

"Sasuke," Inaho murmured, the boy scowled at her and turned his head away, "Ah, yeah I know you just realized Gaara's got a murderous crush on you."

"A crush? He wants to kill me!" Sasuke spat in a rare show of emotion he jumped up to rant and rave. "Kakashi-sensei never said _anything_ about it! That monster! A camping trip fit for morons! The first guy not to say he has a man crush on me, WANTS to kill me! The leeches, butt-kissing a stupid-"

Mr. Whompers hissed.

"Oh yeah sure, an arrogantly fantastic Snake! What was the good part in this Chuniin exam!" Sasuke roared. Sakura shut up for once, she never seen Sasuke this angry.

"The pop quiz from hell," Inaho confessed. Sasuke wasn't seething from anger. Oh no, he was mildly furious and now he didn't care who saw him fall apart. "Yeah, I know, I hate the whole reality sucks scenes too but look at this way. Sakura isn't cloying all over you anymore."

Sakura glared at Inaho. She wasn't going crazy over him. That snake had more of a drama queen tendency than she did.

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura quietly peeped, Sasuke sulked, "If it weren't for that snake. We'd probably all be dead already."

Sasuke folded up. The urge to stretch his legs was combating the urge to crawl into a hole and die. His fingers busy prying Mr. Whompers' curious tail from snaking backwards into his arm pit. Thoughts of revenge the least of his worries when reality comes to slap him in the face. Reality being Sakura pulling Sasuke by the arm. Inaho lifting Sasuke to his feet. Sasuke noticed the bags beneath Inaho's eyes, Sakura's eyes were red rimmed with tears.

"It's been a long forty eight hours for everyone Sasuke," Inaho explained gently, "Sakura, why don't you rest here. Sasuke and I are going to the main hall to get something for everyone to eat."

* * *

**(Three Days ago In the Main Hall)**

Anko, ecstatic to see her precious pet, double timed it to the forest of death when she saw Mr. Whompers thanks to the security cameras. Iruka barely dodged out of her way as she flung open the doors. Banners wide behind her. As she marched in yelling.

"Alright bow and be amazed! The great Anko Mitarashi has ARRIVED!"

Sasuke was halfway biting through a sun dried tomato at the table. Sakura sat across from him chatting with Ino. Inaho was so tired she didn't care where she took a nap. That splintery tabletop looked cozy and away she snored. Her head nestled in her arms.

"Is she _always_ this hyper," Ino asked.

"Anko does this every _year._" Inaho moaned, one cracked opened, she went back to snoozing, "First year she set the chemistry lab on fire. Year after that-zzzzz-filled the men's locker room with mice and ladies locker room with snakes-fuwaaan-pinned Iruka to a tree-zzzz-made Kakashi sniff Gai's stinky boots-mmm-list goes onnn."

"My gosh," Ino gasped, "I'm amazed you're still alive after all that."

"Who said anything about alive," Sakura chittered, "That's what Anko did when she _took _the Chuunin exam as a genin. Her Jonin-sensei did something horrible to her before that."

Sasuke watched Anko help herself to Inaho's plate. Inaho sleepily slid the plate away from her. Anko growled with a mouthful of food. Inaho stabbed her chopsticks, Anko yelped. The sleepy little genin watching Anko through lidded eyes. Anko prepared for battle. Inaho's plate making a tantalizing target.

Inaho, chopsticks ready, stabbed Anko in the leg and tugged. The snap of elastic from her mesh suit, Anko yelped. Inaho guzzled the food down before falling asleep. Sasuke stared blankly nibbling his sun dried tomato. These two women were already in their twenties. He didn't want to comprehend how adults could act like children. Anko stole something off Sasuke's plate. Sasuke glared and stole his tomato back.

"Spoil sport," Anko teased, "You're definitely an Uchiha."

"And what was your first clue?" Sasuke smugly replied. He had the symbol on his shirt. He had the walk down. This was old news.

"How's your man crush," Anko cackled, "The Sand demon?"

"Shut up." Sasuke grumbled, "I'm in a bad mood."

"That's your only mood," Anko warned and flicked his ear, "I want Mr. Whompers back."

The penny of thoughts clinking in Sasuke's brain. Mr. Whompers the snake, grinned in answer to his name. His fangs dislocating from their position. Sasuke felt shivers down his spine. He practically threw the Snake at Anko but it wouldn't let go.

"Now what?" said Sasuke. Mr. Whompers was having a good snuggle with his arm. Anko just threw a fresh chunk of meat on Sakura's plate. Sakura grimaced at the thing. Ino choked a bubblish scream from escaping her lips.

"Feed him." Anko crooned, she was loving this, first pranking Asuma, now teasing this uptight dude? Today was perfect, "Mr. Whompers wants his cookie and he won't let go until you tell him I wub you!"

_'This is so wrong.'_ Sasuke gulped, '_This is insane. When this test is over. I'm never going to look at Dinner the same way ever again.'_

"If you want Sasuke I'll feed him," Sakura answered, "That is if you don't mind Anko-sensei."

Sasuke let out a sigh of relief. Ino just had a heart attack and Inaho bolted wide awake. Sakura looked at everyone around the table. She didn't see what the big deal was. After that whole leeches incident. Toads and snakes weren't that bad.

Anko choking on her spit? Priceless.

* * *

**(In the Room Next Door)**

The teams that had arrived and passed the test early had time to lick their wounds so to speak. The sand siblings among them. The unfortunate Chuniin to stop their stopwatch nearly wet his pants upon seeing Gaara. The redhead's murderous intent flooding the room. A few words of concern over the boy clutching his face. It was an ever cautious Kankuro who pushed the man out of the room and locked the door.

"Gaara, you're not really poisoned are you?" Kankuro quietly demanded, he hazarded a guess that Gaara didn't get much venom but the swelling looked awful and ever since he could remember he was afraid to look the twelve year old boy in the eyes. "Well, no more than usual."

Gaara hazarded a growl low in his throat. His automatic sand defense didn't defend against a little snake? Kankuro was the only one still standing. The eldest brother had one of two choices, tend to his puppets or tend to his siblings.

" . . . Baki-sensei owes me for all this," Kankuro muttered giving a painless yank to crow's arm. Temari gasped, at the sudden assault on her ribs. Kankuro blocked her punch, "And look who just woke up. No kisses for your loving brothers Sleeping Beauty?"

"Get . . . off!" Temari demanded, pushing Kankuro aside. She winced as extreme pain coursed through her system.

"If you want me off of you," Kankuro diplomatically declared, "Take this antidote and then we'll talk with or without Baby Brother."

"Gaara?" Temari gulped, "Someone actually made Gaara bleed?"

"More than that," Kankuro grimaced, knowing that tending to Gaara would be a nightmare, "That Uchiha used a fire jutsu and burned Gaara's sand."

"Is his automatic sand defense alright?" She asked.

Kankuro said nothing but dropped a beautiful piece of glass in her hand. If you squinted it almost looked like the Sand Sib's loving deceased mother. Problem is that was all that was left of Gaara's automatic sand defense was a piece of glass. That was it.

"Good grief," Temari gasped. Her heart stopped altogether.

No one and absolutely no one had ever made Gaara bleed before, except for he himself. Kankuro had to force Gaara to look him in the eyes in order pull glass out of his swelling nose. Gaara kept turning his head away. Without the sand armor he was quite weak against this kind of touch. Kankuro was not kind, he was doing his job but to hear him whimper and see him bleed. It made his heart shriveled and tight.

A knock on the door ruined Kankuro's concentration.

"Move over I'm coming in," Anko demanded, but no one answered, "Ah screw it."

SKSH-SSSSSSS

Gaara was slammed against by a volley of coils. The snakes couldn't bite the boy's neck but they didn't have to. With Gaara, the shock got to him first before the blow. This woman worked fast. She was in she examined the bite, injected something within the nasal cavity's flesh and was out. A fraction of the time faster than it took for Gaara to sense anything. Gaara inhaled rudely, his nose didn't suffer massive damage but the fact he could breath excited him. He didn't even feel the shot he got in his nose.

Kankuro looked out the door but no one was there.

"Who the heck was that! And how was she able to approach Gaara?" Kankuro asked in amazement.

Temari closed her eyes waiting for the antidote's anesthesia to kick in.

"Probably the same woman who proctored the Chunin exams. Konoha Team 7 sent her." Temari conluded, "They got under Gaara's defense because they didn't want to kill him. Gaara has never felt that before. He lashes out at animosity. For that Anko woman it was strictly business."

Gaara was lucky his sand armor didn't totally desintigrate. Otherwise he'd have had worse than a swollen nose.

"This is bad," Kankuro commended, "If everyone found out about how to get past Gaara's defense the invasion Dad planned is done for."

Gaara sighed, he was used to his family treating him like he didn't exist. He'd hole himself up into the darkest corner of the room. The siblings would talk sometimes even argue. He didn't care. He wanted to push them away.

Kankuro startled Gaara with a firm grip on his shoulder. Normally Kankuro avoided Gaara like the plague. He was not someone anyone wanted to mess with, teammates included.

Yet there was another knock on the door or more like the door frame. People walked in to ask if he was all right. They ran out screaming. Soon rumor spread of the sleepless kid in the room beside the main hall.

Kankuro was getting very pensive at little snots poking their noses where it doesn't belong.

"MORNING, AND HOW ARE YOU THIS SPRINGFUL DAY!" Lee sang, prancing into the room without a single clue of the sand threatening to bury him alive. Kankuro rubbed the bridge of his nose. The flash of green. The stupid bowl cut?

_'Man and I thought my sister yelled at me for the way I dressed,'_ Kankuro thought to himself.

"What's wrong with you, do you know what season it is!" Kankuro hissed.

"It's exercise season," Lee protested, "Subaku-san doesn't look like a happy sleeper so I thought I'd help him!"

"And how would you do that?" Kankuro asked, and wished he didn't.

"EXCERCISE!" Lee cheered.

Too bad the constant chucking him out of a ten story window made excellent landing training. Lee kept running up several flights of stairs. Temari chucked him out with all her might. Lee kept coming back to do that training exercise. Again and again and again and again. Meanwhile, Inaho was wondering if it was really safe for Sakura to tell Lee how they got through Gaara's ultimate defense.

* * *

(1) Inaho is the name of one of the Genin that failed the first part of the exam. I tried to stay true to character but this Inaho sort of came into her own and veered away more. She looks like a guy but according to the databook she is a girl. So this one happens to have a responsibility streak and a bit of sensitivity about her looks.

**Further****Note:**** Naruto will get a chapter all to himself after this one. I wanted to get this squared away because I don't think Sasuke would've like a few more chapters babysitting Mr. Whompers the snake. Sakura shows some growth and Inaho is getting a well deserved rest. I feel sorry for Gaara though, Lee is such a loud fellow but just by looking at him it's hard not to smile. I could see him doing that. **


	6. Ebisu in Shock

**From****Square****One**

* * *

**Summary:**What if Naruto was accidentally given the Jounin exam and passed at the age of twelve?

**Author's****Note:**** A couple questions answered here. What happened to Naruto and Ebisu. Well First impressions or in this case reimpressions make a difference. Ebisu is -the-Book. He wants to correct Naruto but "Student" can not argue with "Sensei."**

* * *

**Chapter**** 5****:**** Ebisu in Shock**

* * *

Naruto was not a very conscientious person. Yes he can attest that he never thinks, he just acts and somehow he's still standing on his own two feet despite the time he broke nearly every bone in his body to save his favorite actress or the times he's been bitten, punched, kicked, beaten, and nothing short of killed. He never thought about how odd he looked childishly standing in line. He was just short enough to smack his head into someone's hips. The proctor who received him with open arms before just slapped him jovially on the shoulder and sent him to the Jounin lounge where everyone was meeting.

"All right contestants listen up!" The proctor announced. Naruto was busy picking his ear when the Proctor explained the rules of this test, "This test is just a simple dress rehearsal. No need to be alarmed. It won't kill you if you're careful. For some people this test might bring you fond memories, for others . . . nah! Tests stink. So you! Yeah you! Little Orange Runt, get down here."

"I'm not orange!" Naruto protested, despite everyone else giggling.

He marched up to the counter and vaulted on top of it, just snagging a file. He didn't care whose. He delivered so many manila envelopes that all the faces in his memory tended to run together. If this test was to test Naruto's ability to remember details then he already had luck set against him.

"Inside these envelopes you've just been assigned your first genin "Squad" as it were. You know the drill. I don't need to help you. So good luck." The proctor exclaimed. Boredly. Naruto promptly blew a fuse.

"YOU HAVE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" He screamed, "WHAT IDIOT DOESN'T TELL ANYBODY WHAT THE PLANS ARE! THERE OUGHT TO BE SOME NINJA UNION! This is insanity!"

All the older canidates were taking this test in with ease. Narut o was hoping angry by now. His fists clenched , he yowled with rage doing what many adults wished to do. Except for kicking a wall and stubbing his toe, he was good at hopping up and down on one foot too.

"Wait isn't that . . ." One of the canidates asked but his voice trailed off. He'd never met the Kyuubi before, even though his good friend told horror stories about his horrible behavior.

"Yeah he's that one guy, y'know . . . issues but you gotta admit I wish I could throw a tantrum," His buddy shrugged, "Lucky brat is going to have a hard time with this."

"And why's that?" came a voice. The buddy showed his roster. The candidate paled at it's appalling sight. Usually choosing Genin squads was about as normal as babies dropped off at daycare. The same child rearing skills doth apply.

. . . It was the "Genins" that made things awkward.

Any Jounin or Chunin that didn't have a Genin squad of their own or Chuniin exam detail tended to be willing to do nearly anything to keep busy often resulting in volunteers with a large age difference. Naruto had thrown the directions to his test in the trash after dumping a bowl of Miso Chicken broth on it. He was convinced that if he had to act like a Jounin then he'd what he saw Kakashi do.

. . . He showed up pretty dang late but hey if Kakashi could get away with it Naruto knew his squad would blow it out their ears eventually.

The meetings were miles apart for each Jounin to meet their mock-genins. Naruto felt his stomach tighten at the sight of that lonely swing beneath the tree. He had some awful memories there. It didn't stop him from collecting his breath and sauntering down the Academy hall. Inside the classroom, his overgrown squad was having quite some fitting into little tyke desks.

"Will you quit pacing Milady Tsume, you're supposed to be a clan head ," Ko Hyuuga mentioned quietly. His dark straight hair had lightened with age but his hitai-ate bandanned around his head. No one could tell if it was light and spiky or dark and straight. "Clan heads do not pace."

Tsume's feral black eyes lit upon her temporary squadmate in a fierce glare. Her wild brown hair bounced with her every step. The smooth face and red clan markings made her a very becoming likeness to her son, Kiba. Kuromaru, her big kanine partner, lost an ear and an eye from fighting along her side. If he was eight weeks old he'd have paced along beneath her feet but given his two hundred, three hundred pound size. He was too big not to trip the irate Inzuka.

"Damn that brat is late!" She hissed, none of the mock-genin were told who would be their "sense", "Where is that old fart! I'll knock him into next Tuesday that scoundrel."

Ebisu buttoned his lip. Silently he could agree with both the adults. Tsume was being immature but the test taker was two hours thirty minutes five seconds and sixteen nanoseconds late. He could bet his secret stash of Icha Icha paradise on that.

"Hey, Kuromaru, watch me get that upstart with this," Tsume teased.

She didn't need a chair to find the floor wax. She waxed one spot on the wood floor and wedged the bucket in the door. Ebisu gasped, Ko scolded her while Kuromaru hid his nose behind his paws.

"So what?" she insisted, " Serves him right! For being late."

Naruto had a clear view of the door from fifteen feet away. The trio was very loud and very familiar. He could've swore he heard that snobby harrumph from somewhere. Just the giant can of wax what would've been Kakashi's eye level was a dead giveaway. Floodlights couldn't compete with such obviousness.

_'No wonder Kakashi hated me,' _Naruto thought to himself with a frown, _'That's the stupidest trick in the book.'_

Naruto knew a clumsy prank when he spotted one. He also wasn't that much of a past graduate from the academy. The task of niggling the ceiling panels open just enough to crawl through was a cake walk especially when hanging from the ceiling. All the Jounins attentions were focused on the door. Ebisu was the first to jump at Naruto landing directly in front of him from above.

"HEY!" Naruto snapped, "That's no way to set a trap! It'll take a lot more to get the great Uzumaki Naruto! Believe it!"

Tsume slipped on the wax floor and fell. Ko was surprisingly serene despite his hair trigger hand seal. Ebisu pushed up his glasses, perturbed that Naruto was grandoisly standing in his lap with his muddy feet while Tsume's dog Kuromaru laughed heartily. Ko gulped when he put two and two together. The trio that was slow on the uptake pointed at each other and yelled.

"YOU!" He cried, "I can't believe it! Kiba's Mom! Hinata's . . . Hinata's or whatever?"

"I'm her bodyguard," Ko asserted. He pointed to himself to prove it.

"Yeah like I said, Whatever," Naruto babbled, he shifted his weight, "Hey why's this so lumpy?"

"Hmm-umph, Ahem!" Ebisu cleared his throat.

Naruto whirled around to frown at him.

"Oh great . . . It's you . . ." Naruto drawled, "What are _you _doing here."

"By orders of Lord Hokage," Ebisu began.

"Oh wait you're my lackey right?"Naruto butted in, "Cool!"

Naruto didn't know what to say. He never held a leadership position before. Okay maybe when he was teaching Konohamaru Oiroke no Jutsu but Konohamaru was a little kid. He thrived on attention. These people were all someone's parents excluding Ebisu who was nothing short of a glorified wet nurse but still. Kiba's mother, out of all the parents he'd ever seen pick up their kids was loud and rude. She scared Naruto not in the same way Anko was crazy but Tsume was a _Mom. _Moms said mean things behind his back and dragged their kids away from him. It irked him to be on the same team as his Classmates' care givers but what choice did he have? He didn't have Team 7 to help him anymore.

"Let's make one thing perfectly clear," Naruto stated, "I don't like you!"

Naruto knew irritating bluntness was how Kakashi did it when they first met but Kakashi, once someone spent more time with him, turned out not to be a "normal" jounin let alone a normal human being. Tsume rolled up her sleeve to wail on the little brat. Ebisu stomped forth only to be held back by Ko who also dragged Tsume away by the scruff of her neck. His posture straightened. Opalescent eyes wide in a calm cruel hatred, he dragged them out the door.

"Some of us do not have time to be chastened by little children," Ko smoothly declared, nostrils flaring. Ebisu gently removed Ko's hand but Tsume yanked herself out of his grasp. The Hyuuga draped an arm around her shoulder and gently steered her away, "We were waiting for a proper ninja. A man of his word does not show up late just because the rest of us take our work quite seriously."

Naruto bit his lip. Just a few short words nearly drove him to tears. He did not expect this. He thought all the Jounin acted just like Kakashi-Sensei. The squeaking of shoes across the wax floor and the slight flutter of window tiles marked Naruto's disappearance. He came around the corner again startling the exiting Trio. Hands deep in his pockets, big blue eyes catching Ko's gaze with an expression somewhere between hurt and hope. Naruto's big booming voice abnormally quiet for the hyperactive youngster.

"Excuse me, but I . . . am . . . the Jounin Sensei today, so if you'd please follow me to the rooftop I'd like to start introductions anew." Naruto exclaimed.

The group headed toward the roof. Kuromaru eyeing Naruto in that uneasy gaze of his as the other two exchanged an astonished glance with a clueless Ko. The last time Ko Hyuuga had ever seen the Kyuubi(Naruto). The boy was badly beaten and left for dead. To see Naruto suddenly change his attitude on a dime frightened Ko reminding him that this Jounin was still very much a child.

_'Childsoldiers tend to grow up too quickly,'_ Ko remembered from his time witnessing Kakashi and Itachi's unnatural growth in the past, _'In a world so desperate to prove themselves. Child soldiers usually become emotionally numb and forget how to be a child.'_

That thought scared him much more than most. Hinata was a child soldier in her own right but mostly in diplomacy or politics. She rarely went out alone in her entire life and never played on a playground since. He almost saw his own young charge standing there.

Tsume on the other hand, stood perplexed. Was this kid really Naruto? What kind of magic did Ko work to get him so . . . angelic. If Ko was doing some secret jutsu on Naruto. Maybe he would teach her and she could use it on her kids too.

Ebisu . . . Ebisu's brain will kick in once it registers that his jaw needs to come up off the ground.

Naruto led the three to the bridge. It was the only place he felt comfortable taking them. Kuromaru made himself at home taking the entire top stair for himself. Tsume reclined like a queen into Kuromaru's thick plush shoulder. Ebisu pretended to be disciplined but inside he raged. No adult likes taking orders from a child let alone the brat himself. Ko didn't show a hint of love but he hid his emotions well. Secretly, practically raising Hinata from an infant himself had led to him wearing his heart on his sleeve. Seeing Naruto this subdued almost made him want to coddle him, emphasis on almost. He was a Jounin candidate and Jonins never coddled children.

"Um . . . Okay! Now what was I supposed to do again," Naruto mentioned, he was so nervous he actually pointed to the dog.

"Introduce yourself you embecile!" Ebisu sqwaked, he kept his mouth shut out of respect in order to do things by the book but Naruto was screwing up so badly that Ebisu was sorely tempted to grab said book and beat him with it!

" Aw screw it! Let's get some things straight here. I'm Naruto Uzumaki not demon, monster or filigree fuzz fart! I like pranks and ramen but I hate the three minute wait it takes to heat the stuff. My dream is to be Hokage! Okay there's my introduction. Now you! Kiba's Mom! How about you start?" Naruto flatly demanded with such intensity. He could be sweating bullets and never notice.

Kuromaru's doggie smirk tended to verge on the edge of maniacal catching the rush of red to his Mistress's cheeks. Kiba's Mom was the nickname the Academy kids saddled Tsume with once they noticed it was a parent and oh she's this kid's parent. Unless they waited for introduction, no one did. It was as if as soon as a person entered parenthood, their names became nothing but a label only used to denounce whose kid belonged to whom.

"My name is Tsume Inuzuka and if you want to try telling me I have no life, than try taking a walk in my shoes," Tsume started out slowly.

"She likes dogs," Kuromaru butted in.

"As . . . I was saying," Tsume continued.

"She makes a lovely Filet Minon," Kuromaru piped up. Tsume swatted him on the chest. Kuromaru kissed her. Tsume wiped the slobber off her sleeve. She wiped her sleeve off dangerously near Ebisu's shivering back. Ko pursed his lips in surprise, the dog could talk? Naruto looked in awe at Kuromaru and grinned, his smile nearly breaking his face in half.

"Cool dog! Okay I know what you are Ebisu, you're a closet pervert! Now how about you, Fancy Britches," Naruto didn't point but for the life of him he couldn't remember Ko's name, it was on the file he never read, "I'll call you Fancy Britches. So Fancy Britches, tell us a little about yourself."

'_Don't kill the child,' _Ebisu's conscience hissed, Ebisu clenched his teeth and twitched, '_Must not kill . . . stupid . . . little . . . brat.'_

Ebisu slumped in mortification as Ko opened his eyes and blushed a surprising shade of Scarlet. Tsume's defiant lips were pursed from releasing an obnoxious grin. Kuromaru, in dog years at least, decided he'd already heard this story. A nap was more interesting than seeing a main house Hyuuga Member babble an explanation.

"I-I'm . . . Ko Hyuuga . . . I like . . . to . . . to" Ko gulped, he twiddled his thumbs looking for a convenient explanation. Ko never really thought about what his life was like outside his job and the Hyuuga compound. Main House members rarely associated with public places often opting for living and working primarily in or around their home. He had a house but he never saw anyone else except for family.

"Hey Fancy Britches you sound like . . ." Naruto blabbed, he was about to say he sounded like Hinata but Ko's face was different, and hard to read again. "Are you okay?"

"I'm . . . just a very family oriented man, Naruto," Ko explained gently, finding it very hard to be dishonest to such a guileless face. "I have been Hinata-sama's bodyguard since the day of her mother's passing. I don't have anywhere to . . . congregate . . . that means hang out . . . I'm fond of my duty and my work and proud to work alongside both the main house and branch house members."

Naruto squinted his eyes in confusion. That guy who's talking has the same eyes as Hinata. Were they related somehow?

"Man you sound more like Hinata's dad than Hinata's dad," Naruto concluded, "No wonder you need to get out more."

Ebisu smugly snickered. Tsume finally let loose a guttural of laughs. Ko frowned quietly. Personally he thought what he said was pretty cool. His gaze narrowed slyly upon seeing Ebisu. He had experience handling children for nearly fifteen years. He wore his heart on his sleeve.

"Oh Naruto-sensei I do believe Ebisu wants to join in too, he feels lonely that everyone's done their introductions. He has secrets he hasn't revealed yet and desires to tell them now," Ko explained with a smug upward twitch of the corner of his lips.

He also had plenty of experience in goading small children as well.

Naruto leaned forward with his expectant eyes homed in on a spluttering Ebisu. Ebisu balked and mangled his grimance. Ko flicked an imaginary piece of dirt on his sleeve. He was confident that Naruto would cooperate and listen. Most kids do that. Naruto tapped his chin since Ebisu wouldn't open his yap maybe he could yap about Ebisu.

'_Don't kill the child,' _Ebisu's conscience hissed, Ebisu grabbed that stair to prevent his body from hurling itself at now designated target, '_Must not kill . . . stupid . . . little . . . brat.'_

"Well if Ebisu doesn't want to spill the beans I could spill it for him," Naruto stated.

"Don't you dare!" He growled, "I am the elite ninja Tutor Ebisu, I pride myself in raising elite Ninja!"

"You're favorite restaurant is that fried crab joint next to the hot springs." Naruto piped up.

"It is not! I just happen to like Kamaboko!" Ebisu fussed

"And to peek at the ladies in the hot spring!" Naruto professed "You closet pervert!"

"And to peek at the-" Ebisu's blush flushed his face and flared all over his ears. Ko whistled innocently while looking in the other direction. "Of all the NERVE!"

Ebisu's whole mind clamored in agreement, _'KO! I will KILL you!'_

"I've got plenty of nerve," said Naruto with a shrug. "It was nice of everyone to tell me a little bit about themselves. Let's meet at the training grounds tomorrow at around say the crack of dawn? Ah, and one more thing."

Naruto knew if he acted like Kakashi. He'd be dealing with a trio of cranky warriors not able minded adults. Hey, the niceness card played pretty well. If it fooled Mizuki into thinking he was a total idiot than maybe it'd work on them.

"Don't eat breakfast. I'm bringing that with me." Naruto spoke, no one noticed the two fingers behind his back. Half of this act he was pulling out of who knows where. He just hoped they wouldn't be too mad he only half made this stuff up. BSing wasn't easy if someone didn't have something to work with after all.

"You know maybe this kid's not so bad." Tsume declared as they parted ways.

"He seems to be . . ." Ko thought carefully for another word for crude, "insightfully honest."

"Ha!" Ebisu bragged, "The only thing I know about the nasty brat is he's anything but prim and proper. He's a mutt with the pedigree of a farmhorse."

"Oh hush Ebisu Kohai," Tsume warned with a sneaky grin, "Or should I call you Peeper-Kohai?"

Ebisu harrumphed and stomped away from the sound of Tsume's barking laughter. He was an elite ninja, by thunder. He'd never peeped except once . . . twice. Okay third time was Biwako but that scared his psyche at the tender age of twelve. The Hokage's wife, back then, Karate chopped in the back of his neck before he noticed himself falling unconscious into a platter of carrots and crabs. Ebisu shuddered at the memories of the good old days.

Naruto burst into his apartment frantically searching for something that would work. He didn't have bells. He didn't have bentos and honestly he didn't even have a kitchen. Last minute preparation and all he could hear was Ebisu's snotty voice.

"_Jonins arrive on time! Jonins are prepared in advance. Jonins are never too late! Jonins are this! Jonins are that!"_

"If I ever make it out of this alive, I'm going to yell at Kakashi for every bad example he ever set for me." Naruto grumbled.

He raised his head and bang! His noggin collided with the cabinet door. He started thinking of this as Iruka's way of hitting him in the gourd saying, _'It's not Kakashi's fault you decided to act like him, Naruto. People accept you more when you be yourself.' _

Naruto pursed his lips. True enough, he won all his friends over with blind bravado and single minded determination. It took just this one thought to realize Naruto would need more than Ninja tricks to get these Jounin good. He was going to have to actually think!

First thought that slowly trickled in escaped out Naruto's mouth before it even entered his brain.

"Holy cow," Naruto panicked, "I think I need help!"

**For the sake of this piece. Tsume is Age 32. Ebisu is 28 and Ko Hyuuga, I couldn't guess an age so we'll say he's somewhere inbetween, so not only does Naruto have such an awkward squad to command. There's an age difference of nearly four years between the adults. To me that's funny.**


	7. Chapter 7

**From Square 1**

**Author's Note: **Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto and all things in this story belong to their respective owners. With that disclaimer out of the way, this chapter is meant to fill in major plot holes and as reviewers requested, Naruto is getting more face time. The next chapter Naruto might finally get a peek into what happened at the chuniin exams. Someone gets good advice and it might take more than one person to stop a certain someone.

**Chapter 6: Ramen Common Sense**

* * *

Despite the oncoming terror of the looming morning, Naruto made a beeline to the one place he knew to be safe, quiet and nearly empty during that time between evening and Twilight. Ichiraku Ramen didn't have many customers when it was the dead of night. The stars just started to peek out upon the myriad of sunset amidst the shallow cityscape of village lights. Adult Jounins leaving for home were tall enough to swipe the hanging banner from their line of sight just to get a clear view of the village gates. Naruto's line of sight was barely the shortest out of all his teammates felt the banner barely brushing the top of his hair. He wondered when he'd be tall enough to literally be eye level with Ichiraku Ramen's welcome sign but then again that was the least of his thoughts.

"Ah Naruto, long time no see," Teuchi greeted, "You weren't here at your usual times today."

Naruto climbed to his seat only to flop his chest along the countertop. So lost as he was in his own thoughts that he didn't notice Teuchi's brunette daughter Ayame slip him his regular order with the usual drink. Ayame paused, noticing something was missing. The bouncing, the constant chatter and record long slurps were instead replaced by idle noodle nibbling, eyes glazed in thought, and the only sign of Naruto's overabundant energy was a low tremor shaking the cash register. Naruto was excited and his foot was doing eighty miles an hour fidgeting to make up for the lack of noise.

"Naruto," Teuchi playfully scolded, "Are you planning trouble?"

This was the only time Naruto put thought into something, his pranks were more dynamic when he actually put his brain to work.

"Actually, I was busy studying." Naruto interjected.

The crickets chirping couldn't be any louder. Naruto never studied.

"You're kidding," Teuchi remarked. Naruto's expression didn't break, "You're studying?"

"I never studied a day in my life!" Naruto yelled.

To which Teuchi and Ayame exchanged a glance before saying, "We know."

Naruto didn't speak up at first. After a brief retelling of everything he did. Teuchi praised him heartily for qualifying for the Jōnin exam complete with a slap on the back and a free bowl. Naruto hadn't finished the first one yet. Ayame peppered him with questions but Naruto only heard half the inquiry.

"So what are you going to do for the next test?" Ayame queried.

"I have this "Genin" team and . . ." Naruto rattled.

"Oh how exciting!" She gushed.

"You don't understand!" Naruto balked, "My "genin" are Kiba's Mom, Ebisu the Closet Perv and Hinata's Nanny! They're like Kakashi's age only their ancient! They're not actual Genin. Why didn't they use actual Genin!"

The two chefs pondered this a little. So far, as far as tests went, this year's Jōnin exam was more disorganized than usual. It didn't make sense how they did things for step one and step two. Yet the second test sounded familiar. Teuchi was once a fellow apprentice beside a ninja chef who went through his own special challenge. The results were not pretty all the time.

"You know Naruto, maybe the reason why you have Jōnin Adults for your genin team this year is because they already have all the skills needed for basic Genin training and then some in order to survive this test as well." Teuchi exclaimed. Naruto stared dumbfounded, chopsticks slipped from his fingers but Teuchi continued. "I know I'm not a ninja but even I had to have special training to make the Ramen that I do now. Teachers each give their students basic training before they give them the specialized training given for their special areas and the special areas of the student."

Naruto nodded, listening to Teuchi talk of it that way. The "Mock-genin squad" was finally making much better sense. Before their first C-rank mission Team 7 didn't work well together at all. Sasuke played lone wolf, Sakura was distracted (by Sasuke) and Naruto tried to do the work of three people. The lessons didn't hit home until _after_ the battle at Naruto Bridge. A harsh reality Team 7 couldn't get out of their heads. Sakura still carried a single peace lily from time to time over the memorial stone since gravestones were not allotted for Missing Nin. Naruto was back to being deep in thought while nibbling the noodles. His foot dangled languidly off the bar stool.

"Do you have any idea what your team can do?" Teuchi asked.

Naruto's eyes lit up on command. He blabbed, "Oh yeah! Kiba's Mom works with Kuromaru!"

"Hmm?" Teuchi wondered aloud.

"Kuromaru is a HUGE talking dog as in mega ginormous big!" Naruto rambled. His arms vaulted to demonstrate the dog's massive size.

"Anything else about your team?"said Ayame.

Naruto paused. A few eye blinks later the blonde plopped himself in his seat to pout.

"Naaahhh I got nothin'." Naruto smartly declared, "But you gotta admit that dog is cool!"

Teuchi shook his head. Naruto didn't seem to remember the names but of course he remembered the dog. He coaxed Naruto with a bit more direct approach.

"Naruto, how are you going to be able to work with your team when you don't even know what they can do?" Teuchi stated.

Somehow those words hit the right spot. Naruto went flying out the building. He backpedaled to pay for the meal and went tearing down the street with enough pent up energy to power up a city. He found what few ingredients he needed. He packed up his kunai, his shuriken; his messy notebook titled "Bell Test" but stopped short. The only photo on his bedside table needed a little spit shine.

"I wonder how Sasuke and Sakura are doing on the chuunin exam?" Naruto sighed, being in this test surrounded by so many adults. He wished he could hang out with Team 7 again.

"Heh, Knowing Sasuke, someone probably wants to kill him?" He chuckled than frowned, "On second thought I hope nobody kills him. Sakura's resourceful though, I know she'll be okay."

The gray bleary sky gave way to a morning nip of chill. Ko yawned tiredly. As Hinata's personal bodyguard, he didn't always get to sleep in late and rose whenever his young charge rose. His waking schedule was a habit. Tsume, on the dot, marched forward with purpose. She was driven to find out what the catch was that got Ko to get Naruto to act so well behaved. Ebisu was on time for the sake of leading by example but he still held contempt for the little snot. No one rats him out and gets away with it.

Ko hummed a happy tune. Ko was the new guy. He thought the Kyuubi Container wasn't so bad, for being a vicious demon fox. His colleague's, Hinata's academy teachers, often spoke bad things about the fox. He was the only one to politely greet Naruto upon his arrival.

. . . What he didn't know about the little prankster certainly wouldn't hurt him right?

"Hey fellas I wanted to do an old test my sensei liked to do," Naruto announced. The bells between his fingers jingled, bright and shining, catching the trio's attentions much like hungry wolves in front of a mooing steak.

"Tsume, I think there's some kind of catch," Kuromaru warned but Tsume cracked her knuckles with glee.

. . . Three against one . . . lovely odds . . .

Naruto dropped a bag at their feet full of square boxes but the Naruto that was there-poof-went up in smoke. Tsume cursed, Ebisu fumed, and Ko rubbed his eyes when he double checked a third time. Yes Naruto's footprints were actually there. No, Naruto wasn't there. Ko could've swore Naruto actually shook his hand a second ago.

"You've got to find me first~!" Naruto sang, his voice was everywhere yet nowhere at once. Tsume grabbed the bag and dumped its contents on the floor.

"Empty bento boxes," Tsume cursed, "That brat ate them."

The unanimous growls of empty stomachs protested mightily in outrage. Ebisu pushed his glasses up to hide his anger. He knew that fox was a good for nothing monster. Ko kept quiet, his face a hapless mask as he remembered the first time he saw Naruto.

* * *

_The sparring ended in failure. Two tears following each other in their descent when little Hinata fell to her knees. Her little sister hit so fast and so hard. The wind jumped from her lungs. She wanted to make her daddy so proud but his face was set in stone. One shake of his head and Hinata bolted, too blinded by tears to notice her legs carried her out of the compound gates. _

"_Hinata-sama!" Ko yelled, dashing after her, not even noticing he bumped into the younger daughter and literally shoved his own boss away from him. He bee-lined after the girl._

'_Where did she go?' Ko thought to himself. Hinata was very good at dissappearing quickly. A talent that made it hard for anyone to find her, her quiet nature and lack of confidence made it nearly impossible to track her without a jutsu. 'Byakugan.'_

_The chakra paths illuminated a small trio half a head taller than Hinata and a year older. The bullies pushed her head to the ground and threatened her. His opalescent eyes saw a shade of red._

"_Oh no," Ko cursed under his breathe, "Those fools."_

_Ko jumped to the nearest pine and with nary a pivot the tree bended beneath his weight. Chakra pooled into his legs. He used the pine to slingshot skyward. He sailed gracefully undulating not a single ripple as he disappeared into the canopy below. He jumped from to branch and swiveled his way down. He dashed the rest of the way to the sight._

"_Quit it!" yelled a voice._

"_Huh? And who might you be?"_

_Ko's ears only caught snippets of information. The Bunshin Naruto performed was terrible. He responded to the bullies teasing by attacking their leader. Only problem is two others pinned him down. He thought they were beating Hinata to a pulp. _

"_Hinata-sama!" Ko yelled_

"_Oh ****!" One of the bullies cussed. They bolted._

"_Hinata-sama are you well?" Ko stated. He glanced, he saw Naruto. His heart leapt to punch his adam's apple, the rumored demon lay before him. "That child's . . . come Hinata let's go."_

_He picked up Hinata's hand and left._

"_Wait, he helped me," Hinata squeaked. She lagged behind to defend him. Ko gently yet firmly led her away by the hand._

"_Don't concern yourself with him." Ko commanded softly the big secret as to WHY was on the tip of his tongue. Hinata would've been treated just as badly for associating with him, "Let's go."_

_He left in a hurry. His lengthening strides making the tiny girl run so as to not be dragged by him. She looked back as Naruto's limp form shrank with the growing distance inside the forest._

* * *

Ko didn't even think to check Naruto for injuries. His duty was to take Hinata to safety. Real danger or not he simply was doing his job. Yet the one part that boggled his mind was that pained smile he wore whenever bullies laughed at him. The unnaturally lightening bruises, above all else. He looked so small and breakable even when he left him there on the ground. The same fox demon currently holed up inside would see to the boy's injuries. Surely this demon couldn't accomplish much as a ninja.

At least that's what he thought when he examined the bentos. Each box felt and looked amazingly clean in addition to quite empty. Naruto didn't even cook anything to begin with.

"Naruto didn't eat the bentos." Ko explained, "And besides these not even being Bentos to begin with, I do not know how he was able to create real shadow clones."

Naruto hid in the bushes watching the trio. He had two plans thought up. (A) study and think up something strategically genious, or (B)wing it come hell or high water. Option B sounded more affordable. This was only just the beginning of a slew of pranks up his sleeve to test the waters before he really let loose on his team. Ko saw through the trick but the other two easily jumped to conclusions. He almost let loose an appreciative whistle. Ko "Fancy Pants" Hyuuga was pretty good.

Ko activated his byakugan and glared in Naruto's direction.

"Ah crud!" Naruto hissed.

Ko found him. The adorably unassuming Ninja had duty driven into him. He shunshined out of sight, Naruto's feet scrabbled for purchase. The onslaught slammed into him. Ko's index fingers shot forward. Naruto rolled, as Ko barely touched the little bells. A sharp jingle echoed. Tornadoes torpedoed overhead. Naruto fell to his knees and rocketed into the tree tops. The tornadoes rebounded back, Naruto barely ducked.

The hiss of a fuse and the smell of gun powder. Naruto yelped, eyes wide upon sight of paper bombs. Explosions blossomed through the canopy in hot pursuit of the little orange runt. Naruto cursed under his breath spotting a silent shadow. Ko pounced, time slowed. A slight flare of chakra missed its target. Ko's face slackened in horror at the approaching bomb jamboree. Slight twist and the paperbombs charred the back of his vest.

"Whoops! Gomen Hyuuga-san," Ebisu gulped.

"You IDIOT!" Tsume grouched, "You're supposed to capture the Jounin not KILL the Jounin you BLOCKHEAD!"

"He's Kyuubi!" Ebisu snapped back, "What else can we do?"

The two arguing didn't notice Naruto. Dingle-dingle went the bells. Heads snapped to the sight of an orange clad blonde running for downtown Konoha.

"Ah dang, here comes the catch," Kuromaru sniffed, unimpressed.

"He wouldn't" they gasped.

"Um . . . excuse me . . . Ebisu-sempai, Inuzuka-san," Ko piped up with a little bow, "Something tells me . . . yes he would."

The unwitting battleground had just been extended in congratulations to no plan at all. The new battleground for the Uzumaki bell test involved downtown Konoha and every civilian in the crossfire. Naruto landed behind the Hokage Tower. His heart palpitating in a long vigorous hum revved up to super speed. This was not a part of the plan but he learned tons of information about his team.

They were already working together to pass the test so basically they got the gist of the test.

Ko was quiet yet scary. He couldn't feel his heart beating, just this numb, thrum-thrum of the old heart having a heart attack. His left side shaking not from fear but because parts of his body simply shut down.

"What the heck . . . my body!" Naruto growled, he took a step but his body fell limp. Nicks and cuts from his exploding tree run made pain zing through his muscles. Ko's gentle fist attack missed his stomach but barely grazed that cluster of nerves in his thigh. Naruto was down for the count. "My leg's on fire!"

While Ko hung back to actually assess the situation. Kuromaru and Tsume were both on all fours getting a good whiff of the ground. Ebisu whipped out his little opera glasses. A pleased grin when he spot Naruto fall BAM to the street. People glanced sideways and sidestepped the orange clad kid who was dragging himself away by one arm. Face set in a malicious grimace of determination.

"I've narrowed the searching range," Ko declared, "Naruto is in the alley behind the missions desk. It's impossible. I-inconcievable! He shouldn't move!"

Tsume clapped the young Hyuuga on the back. Her fierce grin and maniacal gruff laughter reverberated through the trees.

"Excellent work Ko," Tsume cheered, "He's wounded! Kuromaru and I will be able to track his scent from here, ne Kuromaru?"

Kuromaru barked in agreement.

"I didn't wound him, I used a disabling blast. He'll die if he jumpstarts his chakra!" Ko panicked.

"Now Hyuuga-san, kids aren't that stupid, even Kiba doesn't try to-" She tried to reassure her teammate but Ko scooted away. He retained his calm but inside he shook so much, nothing was holding together.

"Ebisu-san! What's happening to Naruto!" He yelled, momentarily heartfelt concern overrode the sensible ninjas common sense to check with his Byakugan.

Meanwhile Naruto dragged himself to a sitting position. He searched around his jacket pocket for the energy drink he stashed away. He tried to open the can with his teeth. Numb fingers had no grip. The can rolled into the street.

"Stupid fingers," He mumbled, "Loser does the dishes after all this."

Ebisu frowned, if Ko was right. Naruto shouldn't feel the left side of his body. He thumbed the instant ramen cup. No microwave, no time to wait. He bit into the cup and slurped the contents dry.

Tsume bit back a curse. Kuromaru's ears pricked forward. He could smell the ramen cup all the way from his perch. The trio bolted to the treetops but Ko stopped midway and dropped to the ground.

"Ko!" Ebisu sniped, "You said to hustle."

Ko doublebacked to put away a box. He ran forward and bolted back. The bentos properly packed and orderly he ran to join them.

"What took you!" Ebisu fumed.

"I was cleaning," Ko stated, bag slung over his shoulder, "I'm not letting that boy track us just because I underestimated him once."

Naruto felt the pins and needles sensation lessoning as he ran into the nearest crowd and disappeared. The temporary chakra boost from the ramen broth wasn't going to last. Naruto bolted down the empty backstreets a maze of corridors within the stinking slums. Tsume wrinkled her nose to nearly hurl.

"Who lives like this," she said, Tsume had an advanced since of smell but she was still only human. She could stand the stench but poor Kuromaru was rolling in a futile effort to use both paws to plug his nose. "Yuck!"

Ko's byakugan awake. He headed to the roofs while tracking the young ninja and WHACK! With so many walls and such perfect 360° supersight. Ko didn't see that wall coming among the kaleidoscope of reflective bricks. Ko was rubbing the sun from his eyes.

"Hmm, clever very clever," Ebisu drawled, "But any trick you can pull. I can pull off better."

He casually walked around the outside, whistling a classic tune. Naruto had to come out of the slums some time. All he had to do was walk around to the other end of the maze and wait. What barreled him over was three hundred pounds of yelping fur.

"Kuromaru!" Ebisu barely bit out when the dog ran him over. Paw prints on his forehead. Gravel down his back.

"You mention me?" the real Kuromaru rumbled. Everyone followed Ebisu around the maze. The dog that ran over Ebisu-poof- turned into the Little Orange Runt.

Ebisu gnashed his teeth as the kid headed to the rooftops. Naruto was exhausted. He didn't have much keeping his knees stable. He performed a few hand signs-poof-that kid vanished. Ebisu snorted and stalked gracefully across the roof. All grace was lost however when the sight of a certain billboard had him cackling with glee.

"AHHH!" Ebisu cheered, "Icha Icha Paradise the Movie!"

Upon spotting his teammates. He coughed to hide his moment of weakness. Tsume eyes rolled in their sockets.

"You little pervert," Tsume snorted.

"Naruto is actually quite dead on," Ko stated, "You . . . really are a closet pervert."

"DON'T-CALL-ME-THAT." Ebisu barked.

Kuromaru had something to say but he kept his thoughts to himself. Upon closer inspection, a piece of the billboard collapsed. Naruto Uzumaki with his last breath wheezed out the last of his chakra for the bell test.

"BRAT!" Tsume yelled.

"NARUTO!" Ko cried.

Naruto remembered being lifted onto a thin back before his world whited out. His breath rattled out of his lungs. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't talk. The view that welcomed him when he awoke was a pair of curtains and Kuromaru's muzzle suddenly in his face.

"About time you woke up," Kuromaru stated. "Where's the bells."

Naruto scrunched up his face in thought. Last he remembered, the shadow clones he had transform into bells dissipated when his Chakra shut down. It was hard to think through the heavy fog of fatigue. That numb thrum-thrum of his chest and the memories rattled in. He did his big test. Ko was the Silent Assassin. Tsume fought like a wild animal. Ebisu was a swiss army ninja knife on top of being a snobby closet pervert. He couldn't feel his ribs. His legs were on fire.

"Kuromaru," Tsume scolded, "But it's just as he says. Welcome to the world of the living Naruto."

"I DIED!" Naruto squeaked, his voice reaching such loudness on such little air, "OH NO!"

"On no~, of course you died," Tsume mocked, "Of course Ebisu _did not _piggy back you to the vet's clinic. Of course Ko did not _fix _your Chakra and nerve endings. YES, you are alive."

The vet's clinic was closer than the hospital. To Tsume if it breathes and scarfs food down its gullet, animals and humans were pretty much no different anyway,

"Then why am I freezing and lit on fire?" Naruto rasped. His thoughts still clearing once the pins and needles sensation lessoned in the upper half of the body. He gingerly sat up on the metal table.

"That's usually the feeling from jumpstarting over chakra exhaustion with caffeine." Tsume stated. "Which is DANGEROUS! Why did you almost get yourself killed?"

The unabashed concern was something Naruto wasn't used to as he shuffled to a sitting position and hoisted himself off. He crumpled to the floor. Ko rushed to his aid but Naruto waved him aside. The orange clad ninja was used to doing things alone. He wasn't used to doting parents or over concerned bodyguards. He was used to Ebisu's thin lipped frown and hateful gaze. Ko noticed he wasn't checking for any bells in fact Naruto wasn't even acting worried about the stunt he pulled. Naruto wrung his fingers nervously, what could he carefully say?

"Okay that was . . . that was awesome but could anyone take a guess at what the test was about?" Naruto stated, "It's just a part of the test. Two bells . . . three genin."

"Only two out of three would pass and the last sent back to the academy." Ko intoned.

"Only those of high breeding are meant to become eligible," Ebisu smugly answered.

Naruto shook his head at those two. Ebisu was a tutor for pete's seek. He didn't impress Naruto much with his attitude.

"Ebisu-san, please be serious. Naruto is trying his best. At least give a straight answer instead of a cocky one." Ko insisted.

Tsume snorted indignantly, "The answer is obvious isn't it? Teamwork! It takes more than one person to give and receive after all."

"THAT'S IT!" Naruto stated, "THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT! You passed the test! Though my sensei said it as Ninjas who disobey the rules are scum but . . . Ninjas who abandon their comrades are worse than scum. Meh, he's more poetic than me! And if he were the one giving the test, Ko-san, Tsume-san, you guys would get lunch."

"Hey!" Kuromaru barked.

"And you too Kuromaru," Naruto added, "And you, Ebisu, would be tied to a tree."

"Why you!" Ebisu growled grabbing Naruto by the front of his shirt. Naruto glared back just as hard.

"Ebisu-san that's enough!" Ko growled.

"Brat has a point," Tsume stated, "Your actions didn't help much in fact you nearly blew him to bits and almost had him killed."

"And since I'm deciding the test I get to decide the results." Naruto declared, and on a sheepish note added, "I never made the lunches to begin with."

"WHAT!" Tsume and Ebisu yowled, Ko twiddled his thumbs and let out a short whistle. He figured this out from the beginning. His stomach protested otherwise.

"I don't even have a kitchen and no one likes being tied to a tree so I thought this might be fairer. Since Tsume got the answer right, she decides what lunch is. Ko gets to decide where since he was the closest to touching a bell and everyone helps cook."

The trio nodded in slight agreement. That sounded fair. Naruto pointed to Ebisu.

"Loser does the dishes!" Naruto warned. Ebisu was swallowing quite a few choice words and none of them were nice.

"Very well," Ebisu bit out, angered at the outcome.

Even still Naruto was actually drying what dishes Ebisu scrubbed. Astonished at Naruto's somber mood, the eyes behind that goofy grin were cold and hard. Once the face actually matched the eyes, Naruto was quite tight lipped around all the adults especially Ebisu.

"Taichou you didn't have to," Ebisu began, but Naruto had a more pressing matter on his mind.

"Is the rookie nine okay?" Naruto asked. Ebisu choked on his spit. "Yeah, yeah I know Jounins shouldn't pry but you've been close to Konohamaru and The Old Man. You've gotta have some kind of intel. Are they alright? Are they hurt?"

Ebisu didn't know how to answer that question. Jounins were already with a high enough clearance to know this stuff but Naruto was twelve. He was not a battle hardened soldier.

"The Medical shinobi would know but . . . you'll have to train much harder if you want to see them again." Ebisu confided, "The ones who qualify for the Jounin exam are either prodigies or more experienced ninjas much like myself. You will not survive long if you can't block a strike and lead a team while finishing your mission."

"And what mission is that?" he asked.

"The missions assigned to you by Konoha! Konoha makes a promise to the client that the missions will be completed. As a jounin you will hold the trust of your teams and the clients in the palm of your hand if you have to go back on your word to protect a comrade how will you explain that to the Hokage?!" Ebisu demanded

"No duh buddy! I'll just not go back on my word!" Naruto demanded, "I never take shortcuts and I never go back on my word because that is my nindo! My Ninja Way."

He finished putting the last dish away. He jumped down and walked calmly. But he turned to say one last thing.

"Arigato Ebisu-sensei, Tell Konohamaru I said hi." Naruto stated this time with a true smile that reached his eyes and with that he left. He almost forgot to thank Ko, Kuromaru and Tsume before he said good bye.

* * *

**Author's note: **I had fun writing this. It was kind of a struggle muddling through the drama scenes but once I got to the action scenes the ideas just kept coming. I won't be able to update for a while since Art School has my full attention. This part of college is actually fun though. I get to finger paint and call it the fancy name "color theory" If you need me I'll be making sculptures out of Tan Grams and Foam Board. I find Teuchi's line of work had to have something that coincided. I had to pull the Ko flashback scene from Episode 166 of shippuden. It's really hard to pull up Information on Ko Hyuuga. He's only appeared three or four times in the whole series and most of its cameo. He's like the guy with the one liners who makes little to no appearances in the movies.


End file.
